Free to Be

Do Not Worry

2011-10-02T16:29:00.000-05:00

Earlier this year I attended Pink Impact at Gateway Church in Southlake, TX with my mom, my dear friend & her mother in law. It was a 4 day getaway for me to just be & receive. I needed it desperately, because it was just a few months prior that Mel told me that he knew that he knew that the Lord would be transitioning us soon to more of a lead pastor role. As you know by my previous post, I was a little resistant at first. :) I was doing my best to trust that Mel had heard from God and even though I knew in my spirit that he had...I was just consumed with worry.

I was worried about where the Lord would move us. I was worried about when He would move us. I was worried about making the wrong decision. I was worried about moving my girls to a different school. I was worried about leaving the people we had grown to love so much here in Enid. I was worried about finances. I was WORRIED. You get the picture.

During one of the sessions of the conference there was a prophetic ministry time. Many ladies were called out & received specific words for their lives. I so badly wanted to be called out, because I was desperately seeking direction & confirmation. They never called on me, but at the close of the session they passed out a pink envelope to each woman present. Inside the envelope was a note...each one was different & prayed over by the Pink team. They prayed that the woman who needed to receive that specific envelope would receive it. Now, I know I'm a Pastor's wife & I fully believe in prophecy, but I have to be honest, I was skeptical. I wasn't sure that my note would apply to me but, here it is...

It couldn't have been more accurate for where I was at during that time. It's a verse I've heard a thousand times & I had been reading over and over and over again. But, when I opened that envelope and read it at the conference...it came alive to me.

You see, God knew exactly where I was at and made it very clear to me that He had it all under control. That weekend I released my worry to Him & just like the note says to do...I began to believe it, receive it & live it. I put this note next to my desk at home where I would see it daily. Over the months & weeks to come whenever a moment of worry would arise I would go back to this note & remember that the Lord was guiding our every step. Looking back over the past few months, I'm amazed at what He has done & how He has taken care of every little detail. He has truly ordered our steps!

So, friend, if you are struggling with worry today...take the above note as your own. It is a promise for all who believe. Seek Him, give your worry to Him, trust Him...He's got it under control.

The Masengale's Have News!

2011-09-25T14:55:00.000-05:00

NO, I am NOT pregnant! :)

Our family is actually moving to OKC to be Campus Pastors of the main campus in OKC (or Warr Acres) of Victory Church! This decision has come after MUCH prayer, fasting (and tears).

Back in January of this year Mel & I did a 21 day fast to pray for our family, church, etc. During that time Mel came to me and told me that the Lord had spoke to him very clearly that He was calling him to more of a lead pastor role. I'd like to say that I received that news well, but I'll be honest...I was a little stubborn and initially resisted that news. We had really settled into life here & I had gotten very comfortable in my role here in Enid. The people here have become some of our dearest friends and more importantly...family. The most difficult part of ministry for me is getting attached to people & then having to leave. I also REALLY hate moving!!

We had our women's conference, Illuminate, shortly after the fast and God used Lisa Bevere and several others to speak into my life. As months went on various people who had no clue what the Lord had spoken to us prophesied over us or shared dreams that God had given them for us. They were all about a soon coming transition for us....just confirmations of what the Lord had spoken to Mel. The more I sought God, the more I had a peace that He was indeed transitioning us elsewhere.

Years ago I prayed that the Lord would be in the drivers seat of our lives, our family, our marriage and our ministry. I prayed that He would take us on a Wild Ride. Well, He has answered that prayer and has led us on many adventures. We've done our best to submit to His will & authority in our lives. After all, He is the one who has called us. Believe me, it's not always been easy & we have had many occasions where we weren't obedient, but out of those seasons we've learned that He knows what is best for us, our girls, the people we are leaving, as well as the people we are going to. I believe that the last 12 years and the twists and turns that have come with it have prepared us for this very moment.

Leaving our church family here in Enid is one of the hardest things we've ever had to do. This morning our Pastor made the announcement to the congregation and I thought I could be strong, but I immediately had tears flood my eyes. The past 2 1/2 years have been amazing. The people here have loved on us, embraced us and more importantly they've loved our girls. If any of you are reading this, we want you to know that we love all of you SO much and you will forever be in our hearts and prayers. I've loved every moment of leading the women of PINK. We thank you for the opportunity to serve you & allowing us to be a part of your lives. I have so many more thoughts I want to say to those of you from EFA, but it will come in a later post. This definitely isn't goodbye...just see you later. :)

Our last service at EFA is Sunday, October 9th. Mel will start at Victory on Monday, October 10th. But, we won't move till the end of October due to having to pay a full months rent here. Keep us in your prayers as we look for a house to lease. And, if you'd like to pray specifics...we would prefer a home that would be in the Mustang Valley Elementary area so that our girls can go to the school that Mel's sister teaches in. Most of all, we want to be where the Lord wants us (we just hope it's there in that area :)) Pray for me as you know, I REALLY HATE packing!!

We are so so sad to leave EFA, but so excited to meet our new church family of Victory OKC. We are looking forward to serving the vision of Pastors Mark & Jennifer Crow and serving alongside of our friends, Adam & Kristy Starling. I'm also really looking forward to serving the vision of Barb Swanson & Victory Women. In a post later this week I'll share how this position came available to us, as it is most definitely a God story. It's a story of His faithfulness & how He proves to us that we are on His mind.

Until then...

All my love,
Kim

Resolution Revolution Book Club

2011-09-17T15:38:00.003-05:00

Yesterday morning I was sipping my coffee and catching up on tweets on Twitter {you know, doing the important stuff}. A tweet popped up from Priscilla Shirer that caught my eye. She was announcing her Resolution Revolution Book Club & it was starting in 10 minutes. I really had no clue what it was about, but I knew if Priscilla was doing it, then I wanted to be a part of it.

Side note: If you've never participated in one of Priscilla's Bible Studies, heard her speak or read her books...let me tell you, you are missing out! The first time I heard her I thought "oh my word! she is me, I am her"...she read my mail. I identify with so many things she says {I'm convinced we are soul sisters}. She is a Bible teacher, a mom, a wife...she is the real deal!

Okay now that you know my thoughts about Priscilla, back to the Book Club! I quickly visited her site goingbeyond.com to read up on what this book club was all about, downloaded the book "The Resolution for Women" from Amazon to my iPad and hopped on the first live video chat. You can watch it on her blog here. I'm really excited about this and I think you will be too after watching!!

This book club is 14 weeks long & we are starting the 1st section this week called "Surprisingly Satisfied". Priscilla states in the introduction "This book isn't for pleasure reading. In fact, some of it may not be very pleasurable at all" and after reading the first segment today...wow, she is right! It hurts a little, but I'm okay with that. My greatest desire is to live my life well, to make it count, to be all that God has designed me to be & in order to do that I have to allow for some necessary pruning to be done in my heart & life.

Girls, I'd love for you all to join me in this book club. I'd love to share with one another during the next 14 weeks what God is speaking to each of our hearts through this book.

Get your book today to get started! (If you live in Enid...Ruth's carries it). The next LIVE chat with Priscilla is Thursday, September 22nd @ 10am CST at goingbeyond.com

Here is the memory verse she gave us for this week:

1 Samuel 12:16 (NIV)

¹⁶ “Now then, stand still and see this great thing the LORD is about to do before your eyes!"

I am excited to see the AMAZING things that God is going to do over the coming weeks. My heart is expectant!! I hope you will join me! If you plan on participating, let me know by commenting below!

With Love,
Kim

Mini-Makeover Challenge

2011-09-10T16:28:00.000-05:00

For all of you Pastors, Pastor's Wives & Women in Ministry out there, this is a very cool opportunity to bless a family in your community with a $2500 mini-makeover for their home! Leading & Loving It is teaming up with Extreme Makeover: Home Edition for this Mini Makeover Challenge!

You have until Monday, September 19, 2011 noon PST to submit your idea & profile of the family you want to help.

For those of you here in Enid, I would love to see PINK {Enid First Women} be the ones to win this for a family here locally! For over a year now we have been dreaming of an opportunity to be able to make a home makeover happen for someone in need & I believe this could be it!! Let's seize this opportunity so that we can BE THE LOVE to a family in our community.

Remembering Marianne

2011-08-30T22:57:00.000-05:00

Today marks 1 year that my dear friend, Marianne Delcambre, passed from this life here on earth to life in eternity. It has brought much joy to my day today, as well as a few tears, as I've reflected back on the years I was privileged to call Marianne friend. Marianne was one that could cause the darkest and dullest of atmospheres to come alive with love and laughter. To prove it, here are a few pics of her during our college years while living in our apartment...

Yes, those are hair clips in her eyes!

She was truly one of the most beautiful women I've ever known...inside & out. Over the years she would cause me to laugh till my stomach hurt and would cry with me when I was brokenhearted. In more recent years she was a confidant for me during the joys & trials of adulthood, ministry & parenting. She understood my world & I understood hers. Friends like that aren't always easy to come by. She coined the term "bipolar express" for days when we were feeling overly emotional & a little bit insane. Oh, don't judge...if you are a mom or a woman...you know you have them too. :) I knew at any point I could quickly text her "I'm riding the bipolar express today" and she would know exactly what I meant and I knew I could count on her to pray.

Marianne & I on my wedding day!

Marianne lived her life on purpose & had a profound impact on thousands because of the life she lived. She had a gift for making everyone around her feel important. Her daughter, Emily, reminded me a few weeks ago that a lot of people called her mom "friend"...there is so much truth to that. I know that when she entered heaven's gates she heard the words that we all long to hear "well done thy good and faithful servant".

I am a better person because of having Marianne as a friend. I'll be honest and say that her death shook me to the core. She is the first of those closest to me that was taken from this earth so young & so suddenly. It was an awakening for me that our time on this earth is short & we better make it count. The past year I have been more purposeful than ever with nurturing my relationship with God, my husband and my girls knowing that any day could be my last. I want to live a life of no regrets.

Beyond being a girl's best friend she was an amazing mom & wife...and "amazing" doesn't even do her justice. More than anything on this earth she loved God, her husband Guy & their 3 precious girls. Anyone who ever met Marianne could testify to that. Marianne lives on through her girls. It's uncanny how much they resemble her in appearance & personality.


The Delcambre & Masengale Girls Together - It's my hope that our friendship is passed on through them.

Our family has spent quite a bit of time with Guy and the girls over the past year and I can honestly say I've never witnessed God's strength & grace so evident as it is in them. They are proof that God's Word is true and that He truly is our comforter, our peace, our ever-present help in time of trouble. They are proof that He gives strength to the weary and that He comforts those who mourn.

Guy & His Precious Girls

Guy is a gifted writer & instead of hiding away over the past year, he has chosen to heal & share his journey through writing. Through his words many have found hope, salvation and healing. He is in the middle of writing his first book, a memoir, which is sure to touch thousands of lives. I would encourage you, if you haven't already, to follow Guy's blog & share it with others over the weeks and years to come: allthingsdelcambre.com

Please continue to pray for them. As difficult as the past year has been for Guy & the girls...I know that out of the ashes, beauty is rising.

Marianne, you will never be forgotten and I'm so thankful that I have a hope to see you again!

Hope & Confidence

2011-08-03T16:07:00.000-05:00

But blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence.
Jeremiah 17:7

I read this verse this morning during my quiet time and it's just been rolling through my mind all day. It's easy to put our hope and confidence in things or people. It requires faith on our part to trust in God, which is not always the easiest thing to do. I've so been there! If you've read my past blog posts then you know some of my story. In the past I've put my hope and confidence in a job or a person only to leave me disappointed, disillusioned and discouraged. The Lord is the only one who has never failed me. He is the only one who knows what lies ahead and gives me a "future and a hope" (Jer. 29:11).

Maybe today you feel like you are in a dark place...you feel like there is no hope. Your situation may look bleak. Maybe you are putting your hope & trust in someone or something other than God. Maybe you feel the only person you can trust is you. I urge you to turn everything over to Him and trust Him. Make Him your hope & confidence knowing that He is good & He has a plan for you that will be for your ultimate good. He has plan for you that goes beyond what you can even ask or imagine (Eph 3:20).

Hold on to Him. Seek Him. He will never fail.

More to come soon! Until then...all my love & am praying for you!

Little Eyes Are Watching

2011-07-05T19:45:00.000-05:00

Not too long ago I was gently reminded how much influence I truly have in the lives of my girls and that they really watch and soak up my every move. I had unloaded a load of laundry out of the dryer and placed it in the living room floor. I was in the middle of cooking dinner so my 5 year old asked me if she could fold the laundry for me. I said “sure” even though I knew that I would have to refold it later. After a few minutes, I finished up what I was cooking and came to see her progress. She had folded a few t-shirts and had decided she had done her duty, so I sat down to finish the rest.

Well, I love the smell of fresh laundry and I have this habit (some may call it OCD) when I’m folding t-shirts to smell each one before folding it. I do it without even thinking about it…it’s second nature. Not realizing that Emma was intently watching me…she said “oh, mommy, I didn’t realize that I was supposed to smell it before I folded it”.

I looked at her with this perplexed look because I wasn’t consciously aware of this habit of mine. Then I watched her unfold the t-shirts she had folded and she picked each one up, smelled it and then folded it again. I laughed hysterically. It’s a silly example I know, but, it was in that moment that the Holy Spirit gently whispered “Kim, she’s watching you”.

I think sometimes we forget the tremendous influence we have on our children…especially while they are young. Well, at least I do. I get busy with life and I forget. We have tremendous power in our children’s lives! In a world where so many things are vying for their attention and trying to influence them…we should realize that we are the biggest influence in their lives…good & bad.

I don’t know about you, but it is my heart’s desire that I be the biggest influence in their life for the GOOD! Most of the time without even realizing it we model to them values, priorities, how to treat others, how to treat their future spouse, how to raise their future children, how to manage money, what a healthy friendship looks like, how to view their bodies in a healthy way, what a relationship with Christ (or lack thereof) means & looks like…and the list goes on. Most of those things aren’t learned by us having teaching sessions with them (while teaching is important), but instead so much of it is learned by them just observing us do life…by modeling it for them.

It personally challenges me to live my life on purpose and to parent on purpose because little eyes are always watching me. So, I often ask myself “what am I modeling to my girls?” When they are older and someone asks them who the biggest influence in their life was, I don’t want them to say “Lady Gaga”, “Oprah” or “Miley Cyrus”… I want them to say “Mom & Dad”.

So, how do we accomplish this? It really comes down to one thing…the main thing…we must passionately pursue a personal, authentic relationship with Christ. I believe if we will do that the other things will fall into place. Will we mess up? Absolutely! But, it is in those moments that we can model repentance to our children and show them how even when we mess up we can always turn around and get back on the right track.

Maybe you feel like you’ve already messed up too much…sister, we all have. It’s never too late! Just don’t give up. See, Christ knew when He called us to be parents that it was impossible to do it in our own strength and all too often we try to do it on our own. He is ready and willing to guide and direct us. He desires to lend us His strength. So, press in, take hold & let Him be your guide!

Commitment to Reshape It All

2011-05-01T23:21:00.002-05:00

Alright girls, I've decided to join in on this 65 day commitment to Reshape It All. Reshaping It All is Candace Cameron Bure's latest book about her battle with food, bulimia and how she has embraced a healthier lifestyle and outlook on weight.

If you read my last post, you know that after my youngest was born I went through a dark time and thus my battle with food began. While I didn't acknowledge back then that I was an emotional eater...I was. I gained 50 lbs causing my self-esteem to go in the toilet. {And, if I'm going to be completely honest even when I was a size 2 or 4 as a teenager and in my early 20s I still had a very distorted image of what I looked like.}

I blamed my weight gain on hormones, etc...not seeing it for what it really was until about 2 years ago. For over a year now I have kept my weight off, but at times it is still very much a battle for me to keep the commitment to stay healthy when we live a busy lifestyle and also not go to the pantry when I feel stressed. Also, as a woman in general I still battle seeing myself in an unhealthy light...I still battle insecurity and I'm tired of it! Being a mom of two little girls, I want to overcome this so that I can know that they too can overcome! With everything in me I don't want them to have the same battles and insecurities that I have had.

Read more about this 65 day challenge here: Reshaping It All

Even if your battle isn't with weight, but your battle is with how you see yourself...I would love for you to join me on this journey. Let me know if you are with me!

Moms...You Aren't Alone!

2011-04-30T14:52:00.003-05:00

To all of you momma's out there...this post is for you! I have a lot of dear friends who are in a battle right now in their journey of Motherhood and they need our help. I'm asking for your tips on what helps you stay sane. These beautiful ladies are struggling...struggling with depression, insecurities, anxiety, frustration, loneliness, struggling in their marriages, and the list can go on. Being a mom is hard! My heart goes out to these girls because I too have been there.

About 4 years ago I walked through one of my darkest times as a mom, but no one really knew it except those that lived with me & a few select friends. From the outside I appeared to have the perfect life. We were serving the Lord by planting a church, we had a beautiful large new home, nice cars, I was successful in business, I had great friends, a good marriage, and two of the cutest daughters you've ever seen. That's the picture everyone saw. But, on the inside was a different story. I didn't want to admit it then, but I was depressed and anxious.

I felt as if everything was going awry and I was losing control. One reason I didn't think I was depressed was I could force myself to get out of bed, fix myself up and put on my happy face. I thought if I could do that then I was ok. But, I wasn't. I believed the lie that no one could know b/c after all I had the appearance of the perfect life & I was a pastor's wife. I would stay in bed for hours during the day, go days without getting out of the house, I quit cleaning my house, I couldn't sleep at night because I worried about our future, I would yell at the girls for very small things and get so very frustrated with them for even wanting me to do something little for them, I was very on edge with Mel, and to cope...I would eat...causing me to gain a lot of weight...so, because of that I felt awful about the way I looked. I felt like I wanted to escape. There were days I wished I wasn't a mom...it was too hard. I would cry at the drop of the hat and I began pushing away from my relationship with God. I dealt with anger for no reason really. I didn't know who I was anymore...this was not the Kim Masengale that I was, but I struggled to find ME again. I felt like my light had gone out. I was in a deep dark pit.

Looking back I see many reasons that brought me to my pit. Emma, our youngest, had whopping cough when she was 10 weeks old...she was hospitalized for 3 weeks giving us a large medical bill that we couldn't pay and it made her immune system weak. For the next 3 years of her life she was sick...all the time. Because she was sick, I missed a lot of church...which was where I found rest. I also ran on little sleep, the medical bills grew, and was at a loss and really frustrated as to why my sweet precious little girl was having to go through so much. My business that appeared successful was really struggling and my paychecks were waning and I brought in the majority of the income. We had built this "keep up with the Joneses" lifestyle which for awhile we could afford, but no longer could...so we were in debt up to our eyeballs. I felt it was my fault, so I put a lot of pressure on myself to make ends meet so...I was a workaholic. I felt lonely. I began isolating myself. Even though Mel is the most amazing man, father and husband on the planet, I was pushing him away for really no reason at all. I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders.

One morning Mel had to leave to go to work and I was angry with him for something completely stupid. I don't even remember what it was. Abbie got off to school and Emma was taking a nap and I shut all the blinds and was determined to stay on the couch all day and wallow in my pit. 5 minutes later my doorbell rang and it was my aunt Joni. Her hair was sopping wet and she had her Bible and Beth Moore's "Get Out of That Pit" book. I immediately asked her "Did Mel call you?" I was mad. She said "Nope, I was praying this morning and God told me to get over to your house". She prayed with me and let me talk and she shared her own "pit" stories in her journey of Motherhood and in their marriage and what she did to get out of them. She had 5 kids of her own, so she had been there. I just cried and cried. God showed me that day that I wasn't crazy and I wasn't alone.

I realized that day that I was carrying something I wasn't meant to carry. I was a control freak and I was trying to do life in my own power. But, obviously it wasn't working. You see God knows that I couldn't be what I'd been called to...I couldn't be the mother that I needed to be, I couldn't be the wife I needed to be...I couldn't provide like I thought I needed to...I couldn't be anything or do anything in my own strength, so He gave me Himself...His power. He gave me His provision, His healing, His help. My journey out of the pit required me to find friends to be able to talk to...it required me to press in to Him and have an intimate relationship with Him. It required me to let Him prune some areas in my life that needed to be pruned...areas that needed to be healed. It required me to say "no, I'm not okay...I need help". It wasn't easy, but God began to bring me out of my pit.

With God's help, I've been set free from depression. I've lost 50 lbs. I'm A LOT more patient with my girls and Mel and I have a marriage that I could've only dreamed about. I still struggle sure, but there are things that I do now to ensure that I don't go back to the pit I was in.

I get up every morning and spend my quiet time with God (this one is non-negotiable)
I do my best to eat healthy & when I'm having an emotional day instead of turning to food...I do my best to turn to God.
I have strong Christian friends that I'm vulnerable with
I tell my husband everything
I ask for help when I need help
I spend quality time with my girls
I breathe & pray when I feel myself wanting to yell at them
I take time for me

Maybe your pit hasn't ever looked as dark as mine, but maybe you can relate in some form or fashion to what I've gone through. These friends of mine are in their pits right now, so to help them...what are some things that you do to stay healthy and of sound mind? Please share your best tips. We girls are stronger...together! We are not alone!

Kicking & Screaming

2011-04-29T00:35:00.000-05:00

Have you ever prayed for God's will, but then when He revealed His will for you, you were convinced that He must be misunderstood because that is not exactly the plan you had in mind? And, maybe you eventually agreed to it, but you threw a big adult temper tantrum first? None of you have probably ever reacted that way. You have probably always reacted with humble & immediate obedience, haven't you? Well, I would like to be able to say that I've always reacted in a contrite manner, but unfortunately my responses haven't always been so pretty.

In May of 2006 Mel and I left our full time ministry position to help my uncle & aunt plant a church in Roanoke, TX. Mel had a full time sales job and worked at the church without pay. In January of 2009 Mel & I participated in a 21 day fast with our church. During that fast God laid it on our hearts to move back into full-time church ministry. But, we drug our feet for several months because we loved our church, we were living in a home we loved & built just almost 3 years prior, our girls were happy, we loved our school, I had family and friends nearby, & of course great shopping!

In March of that year our final nudge into full time ministry came. I was sitting on the couch with my laptop and had my Gmail chat open. Mel was at work and I received a message from him that the CEO of the company showed up at their office...it probably wasn't good news. A few minutes later he sent me another message and said he was packing up his things & was coming home...they were shutting down the entire Fort Worth branch. I would like to say that I remained in a calm & collected state, but I didn't. I began to panic & fear began to set in. I had just taken a look at our bank account moments before and saw how much we had in it, or lack thereof. I think the first person I called was my uncle and He prayed and gave me Psalm 91 to read as well as many other scriptures. I calmed down a bit. Mel came home and was his strong, faith filled, collected self...we prayed & realized that maybe this was the final push we were looking for to jump back into full time ministry. That very next week we had interviews at two churches in Oklahoma.

Our first interview was with a church in Tulsa. I fell in love with it. I really liked the Pastor and his wife...we had also lived in Tulsa for 2 1/2 years earlier on in our marriage and it was one of my favorite places that we had lived...I had friends there...it was familiar...it had a Super Target...a Whole Foods, great shopping, etc. But, they wanted us to be youth pastors, which Mel was not excited about...youth ministry was no longer his heart. I was convinced we could do it anyways. They said we could start as soon as we could get moved, so, being that I'm the one who handles the finances in our home...I knew how much Mel's severance was, how much we had in our bank account and how much our bills were (it didn't add up)..so being able to have a job immediately sounded like God's perfect will to me! Makes logical sense, right?!

Our next stop that week was in Enid, OK. Well, I had never been to Enid and in just the drive there I had already made up my mind that it couldn't be where God had for us...it was sort of in the middle of nowhere. The positives were that I liked Pastor Dan & Virginia and the exciting vision they had for the church...and Enid had a Starbucks. Aside from all of that, I knew no one in Enid...it was not comfortable...it was not familiar. I was certain it wasn't God's will and what really sealed the deal for me was that they couldn't bring us on till June 1st...2 1/2 months away. That definitely didn't make financial sense to me. Yep, God was definitely calling us to Tulsa. But, I saw something different in Mel's eyes and conversation as he talked to Pastor Dan...he lit up...he came alive.

We came home from Oklahoma and talked about the interviews and what direction God was leading us. I had really convinced myself that Tulsa was clearly God's will and was doing my best to use my mighty influence as a "woman of God" to convince Mel the same. Being the amazing man he is...and being the provider that he is...he knew I had some pretty strong fears of losing everything, so he began to veer towards the direction of Tulsa, even though his heart was in Enid. That evening he decided that the next morning he would give his answer of acceptance to the church in Tulsa, but then an email came from Pastor Dan in Enid...asking Mel what he thought about coming on board at Enid First Assembly. Mel looked at me and I knew that's where he wanted to go and honestly I knew that was where God was calling us to, but it just did not make sense to me. I could feel myself getting emotional and angry and fearful and anxious and so many things. On the inside, I was kicking & screaming. I knew I needed to leave the house for just a little bit to pray and gain composure, so I got in the car and felt impressed to call my friend Wendy. I knew Wendy would tell me what I needed to hear & not what I wanted to hear. She said two simple words that changed everything "Trust Mel". I knew she was right. Mel was the head of our household & I needed to trust him with the direction God had for our family. But, I kicked and screamed the whole way home to tell him. :)

I walked through the door and he was in the kitchen doing dishes. I looked at him with tears in my eyes and said "I'm so sorry...I trust you...wherever you feel like we are supposed to go, I'll go". Being the sensitive man that he is, he started sobbing. It would've been so much easier if I would've trusted God's will & my husband from the start, but instead I had a really difficult time relinquishing control. I thought I knew better than God...I thought I knew better than my husband. I wasted so much energy by kicking & screaming to get my way. But, thankfully God's grace was bigger than my big fit.

When I finally relinquished control and was obedient...it allowed room for God to be God! I'd like to tell you that as soon as I obeyed that it was a bed of roses, but it wasn't. We embarked on a few of the most difficult months of our lives and marriage, but through it I learned to trust in God & exercise my faith like I had never had to before and our marriage gained strength. The next 5 months launched me into an intimacy with Christ that I'd never had before. I had to rely on Him for everything...my sanity, my strength, my provision. God provided in absolutely miraculous ways (which is another blog post waiting to happen). We've been in Enid for 2 years and I have no doubt it is exactly where God wanted us. It's been an incredible journey so far...we have learned so much & have been able to fulfill dreams that God placed in our minds & hearts.

Maybe you are in a situation right now where you are kicking and screaming...you are fighting against God's will. Give up control...it's worth it...I promise. Let Him show you how big of a God He really is. After all, He does know better and has your best interest at heart.

Isaiah 55:8-9 (New International Version, ©2011)

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD.“As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Clean House

2011-04-20T22:26:00.000-05:00

Every Wednesday night we host a small group in our home and every Wednesday when I get off work at 4pm it is a mad dash to get the house clean. Carpets get vacuumed, magazines get neatly placed on the coffee table, tile gets swept (and mopped if needed), wood gets dusted, kitchen sink gets shined, counters get wiped down (with my favorite Mrs. Meyer's cleaner), and the coffee pot brews...filling the house with that fantastic aroma. It takes effort to get it all clean and when our guests arrive they see a clean, put together home. But, the truth is that my clean living room and kitchen is just the image I've portrayed to my guests of what I want them to believe the rest of the house looks like. When they leave, I open up all of the bedrooms to see utter chaos. See, in the mad dash to get the rooms without doors clean, the rooms with doors are the holding grounds for where the stuff that was once cluttering up the living room just gets tossed into. Rather than taking the effort it would require to clean every room and put everything in it's appropriate place...I just make the outside look good while keeping the other rooms hidden by shutting the doors.

When I walked into my clean living room tonight I had complete satisfaction and a sense of awe of how good it looked, but then I opened my bedroom door and saw what was hidden. YIKES! Reality hit...my house is not clean, it just looks clean from the outside...eventually (sooner rather than later) I will have to clean the bedrooms.

The Lord spoke to me at that moment that we sometimes do the exact same things with our lives. We spend a lot of time and energy making sure what people see on the surface is put together, but there are places inside that remain hidden that we don't allow anyone to see. Christians can be really good at this game. We look the part, we are dressed to impress, we are at every activity that is happening at the church, we are good Bible study girls/guys... we are doing really good things...we look amazing from the outside...but, on the inside there is hidden sin or we are just flat out in pain, but just don't want to allow anyone to see that we aren't the perfection we've portrayed ourselves to be. Please know that I don't say this in a condemning way at all, because this is something that I have to frequently pray about too (sometimes Pastors & their wives are masters at this :))

What God wants and desires from us isn't just to look good from the outside, but He desires our hearts...He desires every part of our beings. He wants to come in and clean every inch of us so that we can have the life that He has destined for us. He wants us free! If we are just going through the motions of keeping up the good Christian appearance...we must realize that is religion...not relationship.

In the following passage of scripture, God clearly states how he feels about appearance & religion.

Isaiah 1:13-17 (The Message)

"Quit your worship charades. I can't stand your trivial religious games:Monthly conferences, weekly Sabbaths, special meetings— meetings, meetings, meetings—I can't stand one more! Meetings for this, meetings for that. I hate them! You've worn me out! I'm sick of your religion, religion, religion, while you go right on sinning. When you put on your next prayer-performance, I'll be looking the other way. No matter how long or loud or often you pray, I'll not be listening. And do you know why? Because you've been tearing people to pieces, and your hands are bloody. Go home and wash up. Clean up your act. Sweep your lives clean of your evildoings so I don't have to look at them any longer. Say no to wrong. Learn to do good. Work for justice. Help the down-and-out. Stand up for the homeless. Go to bat for the defenseless."

Hurts a little bit doesn't it?! There is good news though...there is hope! Christ died on the cross and paid the ultimate sacrifice so that religion would be demolished & we could walk in relationship with Him. No matter what we've done, no matter what turmoil is going on the inside, He is always ready and willing to forgive & heal. He is a gracious and merciful God who longs to be let inside so that He can fulfill what He gave His life for...to redeem our brokenness and make us whole...to give us abundant life!

Maybe you look great on the outside, but you know that the inside isn't looking so hot...open up your heart and let God extend kindness and grace to you. Maybe you don't even know what to pray. When I don't know what to pray and I'm dealing with areas that are hidden, I simply pray scriptures. I encourage you to read Psalm 139 in it's entirety, but here are two verses that I pray frequently:

Psalm 139: 23-24

"Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."

As I leave you tonight, I just want to encourage you as we are approaching Easter weekend...remember the sacrifice Christ made for you and open up your life in its entirety to Him. There is no better way to thank our risen Lord than to give our lives completely to Him. Open up all the doors in your life and let Him clean house...He does it better anyways! :)

Oh how He loves us!

Unmasked

2011-04-13T22:58:00.000-05:00

It's been a couple of weeks since I have blogged and just wanted to let you know that I'm still alive! Life has been busy!! I just returned a few days ago from 4 days at Gateway's Pink Impact Conference in Southlake, TX, which was absolutely amazing. I'm still processing all that God did in my heart, but I'm sure that there are some blog posts that will be birthed out of this past week that will be coming very soon, but for now...here is what is on my mind.

Unmask (v.) "to reveal the true nature of (expose) or to remove a mask from".

The word "unmask" has been rolling around in my mind and spirit the past few weeks. There are countless of people walking around with masks on...attempting to hide from others what is really going on in their lives. We wear masks as a means to self-protect, to portray an image to others that we are more than okay and that life is good, when actually there is absolute chaos wreaking havoc in our lives. We don't like to be vulnerable, to show our weaknesses or insecurities, to show that we too have problems in our marriage, family, job, etc. We are afraid of being judged. We are ashamed. We are fearful. We are prideful. We are hurting.

The enemy uses the tactic of telling us that we need to keep our masks on because he knows that what remains in silence and secret will hinder us from receiving the healing and freedom that Christ has for us all. It's in the secret that sin is fed and our situation only gets worse. It's in darkness where depression and shame grow...telling us that we will be unloved if people know the real us. Being a Pastor's wife and active in women's ministry I see a lot women when they are most vulnerable...when they are often at the end of the rope. I often ask why they didn't seek help sooner and the #1 answer is "I didn't want anyone to see the real me". It's heartbreaking.

Maybe you too are walking around as if everything is okay when in actuality there is so much turmoil happening in your life that you can barely see straight. I just want to encourage you...find someone Godly and trustworthy to whom you can unmask. There is so much benefit to having Godly, authentic relationships where you can reveal the true nature of who you are and what you are going through. For me, the first time I can ever remember truly taking off my mask to someone was my freshman year in Bible college. I was living with so much shame and was struggling with depression from a past choice, yet walking around like I was the perfect Christian girl who had it all together. I remember like it was yesterday when God prompted me to share my story with a new friend I had made just months prior. My gut started churning and I broke out in red splotches in true Kim fashion, but I knew I needed to unmask in order to receive freedom. I needed to break the silence and bring my secret to light. I shared with her that day my story and instead of condemning me, she embraced me and prayed with me. Christ reacts the same way when we take off our masks and lay them at His feet. When we become vulnerable to Him and allow Him to bring us into the light...it is then and there that He extends His grace and mercy to us. That day, almost 15 years ago, marked the beginning of my healing journey and living a life unmasked. That moment of being vulnerable with a friend and releasing my pain into the hands of my Savior has gained me a life of freedom and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

If you are one of the ones that is walking around with a mask on, my prayer for you today is that you will find someone to talk to and that you will lay your mask at Christ's feet and let His redeeming love sweep over you.

Together, let's live a life unmasked.

Just Ordinary People

2011-03-23T21:40:00.001-05:00

My husband and I host a small group in our home on Wednesday nights and tonight we started a new study by Steven Furtick called Sun Stand Still. We were asked to talk about a vision that God has given each of us for our lives, which Steven Furtick refers to as the "Page 23 Vision". (If you want to know why...you really should read the book. :)) One of the guys in our group shared his "Page 23 Vision" and at the end he said something that just tugged at my heart...something I knew needed to turn into a blog post. He said, "but, God should've picked someone a lot brighter than me".

It really spoke to me so strongly because just this morning I was reading Exodus 3 & 4. Moses is tending sheep and God appears to him in a burning bush. (How cool would that be?!) God gets his attention and then tells Moses that He has chosen him to lead the Israelites out of captivity. Of course Moses, who is a shepherd, is thinking what so many of us think when God asks us to do something huge for him..."God, me? Are you sure? " It says in Exodus 3:11-12 (NLT) "But Moses protested to God, 'Who am I to appear before Pharoah? Who am I to lead the people of Israel out of Egypt?' God answered, 'I will be with you. And this is your sign that I am the one who has sent you: When you have brought the people out of Egypt, you will worship God at this very mountain.'"

Moses goes on to argue with God and gives him his list of reasons as to why he is definitely not the man for this monumental task and God continues to affirm him. Exodus 4:10-11 (NLT) "But Moses pleaded with the Lord, 'O Lord, I’m not very good with words. I never have been, and I’m not now, even though you have spoken to me. I get tongue-tied, and my words get tangled.' Then the Lord asked Moses, 'Who makes a person’s mouth? Who decides whether people speak or do not speak, hear or do not hear, see or do not see? Is it not I, the Lord?'"

How many times does God asks us to do something and yet we give Him a list of reasons why we definitely shouldn't be chosen? For me, some of the things I've said are "But, God, I break out in these awful red splotches when I speak", "But, God, I'm more of an introvert, you really should use someone who is louder than I am", "But, God, I don't have a perfect past like so and so"...."But, God".... I mean, I seriously can come up with a list all day long about why I'm not suited for the job & can certainly find the perfect person that God must have mistaken me for.

BUT, the amazing thing about God is He always chooses ordinary people, who in man's eyes aren't always qualified, but in His eyes are the perfect candidates to do something extraordinary. It's not because of who we are, but it's all about who He is! He wants to use us to reveal His power working through us. He loves to use the ordinary to accomplish His purposes...to accomplish the extraordinary so that ultimately He can be seen. It absolutely overwhelms me that He allows us to participate in His plan...in His story. Isn't that just amazing to you? If not, it should be.

The fact is, it's up to us if we will allow Him to use us for His glory, just like Moses did or just like the guy in our small group is. Will we continue to deny what He's asking us to do and give Him our list of excuses, or will we obey and trust that He sees something that we cannot see? Despite what Moses thought about himself, God used him to deliver the Israelites out of slavery. Despite what our friend in small group thinks about himself...God has chosen to use him in tremendous ways. Despite what I think about myself, the insecurities & fears I face...He still chooses to use me. And...He wants to use you too.

We are just ordinary people who serve an extraordinary God. Simply amazing.

For His Fame

2011-03-18T16:24:00.000-05:00

If you read my blog post yesterday, you know that God has awakened some big dreams in me. One of the things that He placed on my heart years ago was to write...to pen my story. I have dabbled with a few blog posts here and there throughout the years...dipping my little toe in the water every now and then, but in January of this year...I felt the big nudge that now is the time to go deeper.

I'm just going to be honest with you, if that's okay. :) Like most people I know, I really struggle with why in the world He would ask me to write...why He would use ME. There are others much better suited for the job. So, here I'll share with you some of my biggest struggles (a.k.a. excuses) because chances are you have them too:

I have no clue about writing. I'm not the best at grammar or knowing where to put the punctuation marks...even though I was in advanced classes throughout my school years (I think I forgot EVERYTHING). My vocabulary range is also pretty limited. I give my husband a hard time because he is the walking dictionary...he uses words that I've never even heard of and in the correct context. Do you know someone like that? It's a trait I admire so much in him! It's a gift...a gift that I do not have. So, I've always looked at others that are more prolific than I and determined that they were the ones with the gift to write...certainly not me.
Most of you who know me, know I have more of a heart of a listener/counselor than a talker. That's why I spent 6 years working hard to obtain my Master's in Counseling...not in Public Speaking or Writing. Ha! I break out in these lovely red splotches when I speak for goodness sake...why would God ask me to write or to speak more? One on one with someone is way more comfortable for me. It's much less vulnerable than being in front of a crowd, or pouring my heart out on to the world wide web for all to read. But, God didn't ask me to live a life in my comfort zone, did He? Ugh.
Now, this next one is probably the biggest one. I don't want it to come off that I am promoting Kim Masengale. Anyone who knows me well and knows my heart, knows that I would prefer to be in the shadows, rather than be up front. I don't need the big light shining on me. I've really struggled with putting my writings out there because I don't want to be misunderstood by the unforgiving critics that are out there. So, to make sure my motives are pure...I've spent countless hours praying and asking God to search my heart...I've asked my very best friends & mentors to be honest. I've asked my husband, who is the person in my life that is the most brutally honest with me, to let me know if he sees any self-promoting motives in me. I don't want to write or minister out of my own need...I want to minister and write out of the overflow of what God has done for me and the deep love that I have for Him.

There you go. Those are some of my struggles, but I've come to this final conclusion...God's truth is bigger than my truth! If He has asked me to write or speak then He must see something in me that I don't see in myself. He's so cool like that! So, when I speak or when I write...everything I do is for His fame! It's for His glory, not mine. It's to point others back to the Cross. He has brought me through SO much. I know that the things He has allowed me to go through is to prepare me for what He is going to do through me. The same goes for you too!

I have had many sleepless nights lately because I can't stop thinking about all that He has has done in my life. These are the things that I just can't shake & I want to share with you over the coming days, weeks and months. Yes, it will make me vulnerable because I will be sharing with you things that I am so not proud of...things that no one ever wants to admit, but if I don't share with you what He has done then I believe it will all have been in vain. Beth Moore states in Breaking Free "Self-protection is the number one stumbling block to keep us from our calling". So, I won't self-protect any longer...instead, I will be obedient and pen my story. Even if only one person reads this blog and somehow God uses it to touch her life and bring hope and healing...then it will be worth it.

Love you all.

What's Holding You Back?

2011-03-17T18:59:00.004-05:00

Since the lovely Lisa Bevere came to our Illuminate Girlfriends Conference in January my spirit has been stirring and some dreams that had laid dormant have been awakened. There is a dream that God placed on my heart years ago...like 13 years ago! All this time I have held back from pursuing that dream because of one thing...FEAR! This is unusual for me because when I'm passionate about something, I jump in and not just with my little toe either...I jump in full body...full force...well, except for this one dream.

This dream is so big it scares me! It's definitely a God-sized dream...it is SO much bigger than me and my small circle of influence. I have read a lot of tweets from people lately with variations of this quote and basically the idea is "if your dream isn't big enough that it scares you, then you're not dreaming big enough". Do you have any dreams like that?

I have had a laundry list of excuses as to why I have held off on pursuing the dream, but if I'm going to be extremely honest with myself...it all boils down to fear. Fear of what people will think, fear of inadequacy...Fear. That's it. So...I've been putting it off & holding back. God clearly spoke to me at Illuminate that the time is now...no more holding back...no more putting it off. So, since then I've revealed my dream to several people that I respect & trust and have had confirmation after confirmation that this dream isn't one that I'm creating in my head, but it definitely is one that God has placed on the inside of me.

Since that weekend in January I've been really pressing in & focusing on the renewing of my mind by spending daily time reading God's word & taking time to let Him reveal Himself to me. See, the dreams that we have that are bigger than ourselves require that we walk in an intimate relationship with the One who gave it to us. The enemy wants to do everything he possibly can to keep us from pursuing our dreams, so what does he mess with the most? Our minds.

The verses that have been rolling over and over in my mind for weeks now is Romans 8:31-37:

What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written 'For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered'. No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.

Did you get that? "IF OUR GOD IS FOR US, WHO CAN BE AGAINST US?" "WE ARE MORE THAN CONQUERORS THROUGH HIM". That's so amazing!! These are verses that I have quoted & heard so many times throughout my life, but they are now activated in me. I know that if God placed a dream in my heart, that nothing and no one can come against me!

People...we are only given one life here on this earth and I'm determined to live it well and give it all I've got. I want to make a difference...I want to leave my thumbprint on this earth. I don't want to be one of those people who live with such tremendous regrets because they exchanged the dreams that God had placed on the inside of them for comfort. God didn't call us to live a life of safety, but to live a life of risk. Just look at His own life...He risked everything so that we could LIVE!

Being in the ministry, people have shared their many regrets with me... "I was called to be a missionary, but....", "God told me to lay down my job to pursue..., but...", "I had a dream to adopt and rescue orphans, but...", "God asked me to use my business for his Kingdom, but..." Maybe you can relate & you too have a dream that God has placed on your heart and you are holding back.

Before I end this post, I want to share with you a few books, other than the Bible, that I've been reading that are encouraging me a great deal. They are must reads for sure...

Sun Stand Still by Steven Furtick
Lioness Arising by Lisa Bevere

So, what's holding you back? I would love for you to comment on this blog. I want to hear what your God sized dreams are and what's keeping you from pursuing them! Maybe, just maybe if we link arms and encourage one another we can change the world! OR...Maybe you have already pushed through the fear and are currently pursuing your dreams...I want to hear from you too!

(No worries...I won't leave you hanging on mine for too long...it will be revealed in the next few weeks on this blog!! :))

Why Lent? I'm Not Catholic

2011-03-08T11:00:00.000-06:00

As many of you know, today is Fat Tuesday and tomorrow, Ash Wednesday, kicks off 40 days of Lent. I've read a lot of Facebook and Twitter posts the last few days from people who are participating in Lent and then some from others who are maybe being a bit critical and questioning why an evangelical Christian would participate. I had never even considered practicing Lent until last year, simply because, well, I was ignorant. I thought it was only something that my Catholic and some of my Methodist friends participated in. I grew up in a Pentecostal church where Lent was never talked about nor practiced.

My eyes were not really opened to it until a dear friend & one of my mentors, Becky Hennesy, began Facebooking and Tweeting last year about how they were encouraging their church in Cedar Hill, TX to participate in Lent. Because they took that step last year... it is simply amazing the testimonies that have come out of their church and community from it!

Lent is all about selfishness dying & generosity living. It's about sacrifice. Christ paid the ultimate sacrifice for us. He died so that we could live. Our friend, Chris McCool, posted this about Lent "It incites in us the sacrifice Jesus made for us as we fast. As we find quiet corners in our day to speak with God, we share the same silence as Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane. Likewise, as Jesus stood between us and God we show justice toward others during Lent (as we should 365 days a year)."

Becky Hennesy also says this about Lent, "40 days of my decrease, gives opportunity for God increase". Giving up something for 40 days allows us to humble ourselves and allow God to do a work in our hearts and opens our eyes to what's happening in the world around us. It helps us see that it's not all about us! It helps us LIVE OUT the Christian life and not just talk about it.

Becky's husband, Pastor Jim Hennesy of Trinity Church, just shared an incredible sermon on Lent this past Sunday. I encourage you to listen to it here if you would like to hear more about the power of participating in Lent!

Micah 6:8 describes what the Lord requires of us : "To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with our God." My prayer during Lent is that I would begin to fully walk out those three things. I invite you to prayerfully consider joining me on this journey. I'm excited to see what God is going to do!

l'amitié {friendship}

2011-02-17T16:05:00.000-06:00

The best kind of friend is the one you could sit on a porch with, never saying a word, and walk away feeling like that was the best conversation you've had.
Author Unknown

Today after having coffee with a dear friend, I was inspired to write this post. Friendship is something that I cherish deeply and is something that I need. I have been blessed with the most amazing friendships. I have wonderful friendships that come from every phase of my life...high school, college and adulthood through business and ministry. The friendships I appreciate the most are the ones where maybe we haven't spoken or seen each other in weeks, months, maybe even years, but once we meet up for a phone call, Skype chat or coffee it is like we haven't skipped a beat. These are the friends that I can tell pretty much anything to...the ones that know me the very best...the ones that laugh when I laugh and cry when I cry. These kind of friendships often take time to bloom and then sometimes there is an instantaneous connection.

Being in the ministry the past 12 years, we have moved A LOT and every time, I'm faced with a decision...will I put myself out there and make new friends or keep to myself. It's not easy for me to put myself out there because I am more of an introvert. I'm not the life of the party personality...I'm more on the quiet, reserved side. For those of you who know me well, you know when I get nervous or excited I get these lovely red splotches...all over my neck and chest, but I've had to force myself to move out of my comfort zone and meet new people...red splotches and all! It is either that or live a life of isolation...which, the latter is just not an option for me.

Girls have often asked me how I have such deep friendships. Well, I made the decision years ago to surround myself with those who have the same interests, beliefs and passions as I do...those that are wise & will not just tell me what I want to hear all the time, but those who will sometimes tell me what I need to hear. Those that will intercede in prayer for me when I'm going through a rough patch.

Become wise by walking with the wise; hang out with fools and watch your life fall to pieces.
Proverbs 13:20 (The Message)

I've surrounded myself with fools during portions of my life (mostly my teenage years :)) and those friendships didn't go so well. I'm sure you can relate. So, those friendships I will stay close enough that I can hopefully make some sort of difference in their life, but stay far enough away that they don't influence me. That may sound harsh, but the above verse is so very true. Tell me who your friends are & I can usually tell you who you are.

One big factor in the deep friendships that I have cultivated is that I try to be the best friend that I can be. I fall short in many areas (believe me), but I learned a long time ago that you can't expect someone to be a friend to you if you aren't a friend to them. Treat people how you want to be treated. I also realize that I can't expect friendships to just fall in my lap, but I do have to seek them out and like anything, I have to make an effort.

Maybe you've been deeply hurt by a friend...I've been there...but, don't allow that to have an impact on what the rest of your life is going to look like. Even though it's scary...life requires risks...so, take a risk today. Is there someone you've been wanting to invite over or ask to go grab a cup of coffee? Ask! You never know the friendship that is in store for you if you will just take that first step.

To all of my friends...I love you and appreciate you more than you could ever know. Words could never express my appreciation for you. xoxo

Keeping First Things First

2011-02-16T22:20:00.000-06:00

I remember when I started getting the baby itch after Mel and I had only been married 2 years. We got a puppy thinking that would suffice, but I still wanted a baby...a sweet little baby! I have to admit, I had a very idealistic image of what it was going to be like for us. Doesn't every new mother? I remember being critical of other parents before I had my own children...I said many things like "my kids will never eat in my car" or "how can they let their house stay so messy" or "my kids will never act like that". I was clueless! Never say never, right? :)

July 24, 2002 is when our first little girl entered our world. When they placed her in my arms, I remember thinking how absolutely perfect she was and then at some point soon after, it hit me...wow, I'm now responsible for a life that is not my own! Not only was I responsible for her life in general...feeding, clothing, bathing, etc, but I was responsible for teaching her how to navigate through life & about Christ. My prayer from Day 1 for both of my girls is that they will love Christ with all of their heart, soul and mind. That they will know their worth as a daughter of the King. That they will be all that God created them to be. That they would have a deep passion for the things of God.

The past few weeks and months our youngest has been asking a lot more questions about Christ..."what is sin?", "what is heaven like?", etc. Since she is only 5, we do our best to answer her questions in terminology that she will understand. Today after school, she asked me questions like "why do we need to ask Jesus into our heart?" "Why did he die on the cross?" They are questions she has asked before, but today they were followed by the ultimate question "Mommy, will you help me ask Jesus into my heart?". Well, my answer was of course a resounding "YES!". It doesn't get much better than that.

Today was yet another reminder that it is my responsibility to teach my girls about the love of Christ and teach them how to live a life pleasing to Him. As they continue to grow and encounter decisions between flesh & spirit...I realize that I won't be able to make their decisions for them, but I can make sure they have a solid foundation to glean from. It is no one else's responsibility but mine and Mel's. God entrusted these two precious girls into our care & we must teach them. We must model what being a Christ follower is all about. We must live what we preach. Being in full-time ministry, it is easy to let ministry to others overtake what comes first...and the first priority is ministry to my family...to my girls. May they always remain my most important converts.

I Give Up!

2011-02-05T16:26:00.002-06:00

It is 2011...the beginning of a new decade! Typically during the first week of the New Year, I would have joined with the millions of other people to make out my list of New Year's resolutions. I'm a goal setter, a dreamer, a visionary...I like to make a plan. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, right? No, not really. Setting goals, dreaming, making plans...those are all really good things...things we should do. However, as 2011 rolled around I felt like I was supposed to do something different. I felt like I was supposed to put my goals, my dreams and my agendas on the back burner and surrender. Surrender to what God wants for me. Surrender to His dreams & plans for me...to let Him pen my 2011. As He reveals His plans, then I will write them down.

The hard part about surrender (for me anyways) is that I can't see the future, nor am I in control of it. I'm an admitted control freak about some things. :) I'm a mom & mom's struggle with this. (C'mon...I know I"m not the only one.) I constantly have "what if" scenarios running through my head...I constantly think 10 steps ahead, but everyday I have to surrender my "what ifs" and steps to God. I have to surrender my dreams, as well as my fears. I have to line up my desires with His. I have to surrender control...ultimately to receive freedom.

Then he told them what they could expect for themselves: "Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You're not in the driver's seat—I am. Don't run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I'll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What good would it do to get everything you want and lose you, the real you?"

Luke 9:23-25 (The Message)

God's plans for us are so much bigger than the plans we have for ourselves. Whenever I try to slide back into the driver's seat, I inevitably mess things up...and not just a little bit...I mess things up big time! The times that I've taken back control, I've ended up in debt, overweight, hurting & depressed...just to name a few. Have you been there too? By me being in control...my decisions not only affect me, but my husband, my children, my friends and those that I lead. But, when we sacrifice...when we give ourselves fully over to Christ, it is then that we truly find ourselves. It is then that we are able to be the wife, mother, daughter, friend & leader that He has created us to be. When we surrender and submit ourselves to our Creator, it is then and only then that He is able to give us a life that we could only imagine...actually above and beyond what we could imagine. He is then able to reveal what our divine destiny is...what He created us for...our purpose!

Surrender is a daily process. A daily act. The NIV version of Luke 9:23 says "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me." (emphasis added) It is a daily choice. Each and every morning when we wake up, we get free will to decide whether or not we are going to surrender to His will or take back control. When we surrender, He often shows us things about ourselves that we don't necessarily want to see or deal with...it can be a difficult and painful process. BUT, if we will allow Him to chisel away those areas...there is always something beautiful that comes out of it...always! It is so worth it, I promise!

Surrender.

Undone.
Sacrifice.
Broken.

These are the words that I pray every morning when I wake up....because it is only when we give up that He can come in & transform us. I want less of me and more of Him. I want His plans for my life above my own.

I give up!

Illuminate

2011-02-02T21:11:00.002-06:00

(v.) il.lu.mi.nate
to lighten, to brighten, shine, glow

It's been a week since we wrapped up our very first women's conference at EFA, Illuminate Girlfriends Conference. I am still in awe of what God did. It will be a weekend forever imprinted in my mind and my heart. It was the beginning...the beginning of a journey of freedom for some who had been in bondage for a very long time, the beginning of God's daughters in Enid, OK taking their rightful place in His kingdom, the beginning of restoration for many to their families & spouses, the beginning of something that our finite minds really cannot grasp.

It was an awakening. An awakening to be the change, to be the difference in this dark world. It was an awakening to be all that God has called us to be! The lovely & fierce, Lisa Bevere, was with us. Truly a divine appointment...no mistake about it. Lisa is the real deal...she is authentic...she is passionate. Lisa spoke to the daughters, the mothers and the grandmothers...challenging each to embrace the season of life they are in & to come alive....to dream again...to be the world changers that they were each destined to be. If you haven't yet read her latest book, Lioness Arising, get it...it will change the way you see...it will change the way you live!! I'm forever grateful to Lisa for helping us build in Enid & enlarging our visions. We are awake and we are lionesses!

God truly far exceeded my expectations. While planning the conference, I knew in my spirit that He wanted to do something incredible, but I had no idea what He really had in store. I'm so grateful that He lavished His love and grace upon us that weekend. I'm so grateful that in spite of us, He showed up and did some amazing things! It is my prayer that those of you who were present wouldn't let that just be a great weekend experience, but that it would be something that you will embrace and allow to transform the here and now, as well as the future. God has called us to illuminate...He has called us to shine in the dark places of our world. Let your light shine! Tell others what He has done for you!

Matthew 5:14-15 says:

You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.

After a weekend like that, spiritual warfare is bound to happen. Believe me, I've already had battles of my own, but I am reminded of what Ephesians 6:12 says:

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

The enemy is going to do everything he can to throw you off track. Like Lisa said "Satan is afraid that you will look in the mirror and see who you really are". Don't give up! Begin to replace your truth with God's truth! You are a lioness, remember! You are an answer, not a problem! Press on!

For those of you who came, we want to hear your testimonies of what God did in your life that weekend! There is POWER in your testimony! In the coming weeks, I will share mine. I love each of you so very much and I'm so thankful that I get to be on this amazing journey with you.

Remember...be the love, be the change & be light!

Devoted

2011-02-01T15:28:00.001-06:00

This morning I was feeling a bit anxious about some things, so I turned on my praise & worship playlist on iTunes and just spent some quiet time in God's presence. One of my favorite songs, The Stand by Hillsong United, came on. I've listened to this song at least a thousand times, but today as I listened to the words, tears just began to stream down my face...in absolute wonder & awe of what God has done for me.

Over the years, friends & family have watched me & asked why I am so devoted to ministry and to Christ. This song pretty much sums up the response for me. Christ gave it all. He gave his life. He took my shame, my sins, my imperfections, my brokenness, my bondage and gave me freedom...He gave me life. He took everything that was ugly and made it beautiful. He gave me a fresh start. When other people cast judgment on me and pointed fingers at me, He looked at me with love and called me beautiful, beloved, He called me daughter.

Romans 5:6-8 (The Message version) says:

Christ arrives right on time to make this happen. He didn't, and doesn't, wait for us to get ready. He presented himself for this sacrificial death when we were far too weak and rebellious to do anything to get ourselves ready. And even if we hadn't been so weak, we wouldn't have known what to do anyway. We can understand someone dying for a person worth dying for, and we can understand how someone good and noble could inspire us to selfless sacrifice. But God put his love on the line for us by offering his Son in sacrificial death while we were of no use whatever to him.

Even though, I did not deserve forgiveness and a new life, when I asked...He gave me one! Without expecting anything in return from me, He "put his love on the line" for me. So, it is for that reason that I'm devoted to Him. I do not do the things I do out of obligation, but out of response of what He has done for me. He gave me something that no one else could give. How can I not devote everything I have to Him? He gave me hope when I had no hope, He gave me life when I didn't deserve it, He redeemed everything I had ever done, He showed me love. I want others to know the same life and freedom that I now walk in. So, I will spend my life devoted to Him...sharing my testimony & what He has done for me, so that others may also experience His undeserved grace and love. I will offer hope.

I'll end it with this today...

So what can I say? What can I do? But offer this heart O God Completely to You. So I'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned, in awe of the One who gave it all. So I'll stand, my soul Lord to You surrendered. All I am is Yours.

Free to Be You!

2011-01-25T09:44:00.002-06:00

This morning, I was reading 2 Cor. 3:17-18 & a devotional that went along with it. The author, Bob Hamp, said "Freedom isn't about our ability to overcome obstacles; freedom is about becoming the fulfillment of God's design. It's not what we do: it's who we are...When you realize that you aren't made to be like anyone but yourself, you become free from the stranglehold of trying to be like others."

Let's not try to conform people into who we think they should be or try to conform ourselves to look like someone else. Instead, let's discover the uniqueness of who God says that we are and who He created us to be. There is no one like you! Be YOU!

Raising Secure Girls

2010-09-28T11:58:00.001-05:00

One of my top prayers for my girls is that they would not struggle with the crippling insecurity that so many girls and women face in this day and age...the same insecurity that crippled me on many occasions throughout my childhood and on through high school. Abbie, our oldest, has always been a social butterfly, so walking into a room full of strangers is no big deal for her, but, Emma, our youngest, has always been a little bit more timid, well...until you get to know her. :) She started Mother's Day Out last year and every day was a battle to remove her from my leg. Even at church it was a struggle getting her to go into her class. I've prayed that this wouldn't continue because I remember clinging to my mom's leg for many years in elementary school. This year, Emma started Pre-K and I've been covering her with prayers that she would be secure in who she is and who Christ has made her. Today, those prayers at work became evident. I prayed a prayer over her and as we were getting out of the car she said, "Mom, I want to walk inside by myself". Of course, I was excited, but nervous all at the same time thinking "will she really do it?" We arrived at the main doors and she told me again, "okay, I'm going to do this by myself, you stay here". She then gave me a hug and then began walking off and right before turning the corner she looked back to wave at me and blow me a kiss. I managed to hold back the tears and just whispered to the Lord, "thank you".

For those of you who have little girls, I'm sure this is your prayer as well. I refuse to believe that my girls have to grow up with the horrible insecurity that so many face. God is bigger and I know it isn't His will that His daughters constantly struggle with this issue. After all, we are daughters of the King...we have every reason to have our heads held high...to walk in grace and confidence.

If you are a woman and you haven't yet read "So Long, Insecurity" by Beth Moore...I highly recommend it. Also, if you are raising girls...whether you are a Dad or a Mom, I recommend "Bringing Up Girls" by Dr. James Dobson.

Desiring Him Above All Else

2010-09-24T11:08:00.000-05:00

Today during my time with God I read Deuteronomy 8. I was going to quote it all here, but it is a bit long, so encourage you to read it on your own preferably in The Message version. Reading that passage led me to this post today. When we are in our wilderness seasons of life we often want a quick fix. We are a drive thru, microwave society. We want things and we don't want to have to wait for them. We get frustrated with God when He doesn't answer our requests immediately, but I believe He isn't holding out on us to be mean, but to get us to draw closer to Him. He has a bigger purpose and plan for us that only He can see, so we must yield to His plan. In Priscilla Shirer's "One in a Million" Bible study she says this:

The wilderness is designed to reveal whether we really want God or if we just want to "get out of town" and to Canaan as soon as possible. He is interested in knowing if we've submitted to the wilderness only to receive the rewards that come with Canaan or if we truly desire Him more than anything...even the rewards.

Ouch, that hurts a little, doesn't it? Last weekend we took a group of young women to the Captured Conference in Cedar Hill, TX. Anjelah Johnson, a comedian who is best known for her You Tube Nail Salon video and "Bon Qui Qui" on MAD TV, shared her testimony. She talked about her desert experience when she was in L.A. trying to make it big and she was broke and had no jobs. God asked her to take 6 months and devote them completely to Him, so she did. All she did was seek God for 6 months. The thing that stuck with the most was she said something like this...that more than we pray for Him to bless us, more than we pray for Him to give us our dream job, more than we pray for Him to help us out of our messes...that we just pray for more of Him...to desire Him above all else. That goes hand in hand with what I quoted above from Priscilla Shirer.

So, my prayer today is that He be my magnifying glass and that He would examine me and uncover any of my hearts intentions that may not be pleasing to Him. My prayer is that I would desire Him above all else, more than I want to be rescued, more than I want to get out of the wilderness...I just want Him... and then, when He brings me out of this wilderness and I'm living in an abundant place that I would still want Him above all else. May that be your prayer too.

Psalm 139:23 & 24 (Amplified Bible)

23 Search me [thoroughly], O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts!24 And see if there is any wicked or hurtful way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

The Wilderness

2010-09-22T21:37:00.003-05:00

Being in the wilderness is never any fun, well, unless of course there is a spa involved. But, in my wilderness experiences I haven't had many spas show up. I've been in the wilderness in some areas of my life lately and sometimes it is lonely, frustrating and my nature cries out "God, rescue me now, please, LORD, do it now, this is too hard!", but it doesn't always turn out that way, in fact, very rarely does He ever rescue me immediately. I've learned that He doesn't always take us the easy route because He wants to grow us & protect us from future harm. He wants us to get to the place where all we need is Him.

It is so amazing to me that when I experience times like this that He always shows His love & His presence to me through the words of a song, pages of a book or a blog, someone encouraging me or hearing a message that I feel is for me. An example of that is when I was picking out a new Bible study for our women's group to start this Fall, I kept coming back to Priscilla Shirer's "One in a Million" study even though I didn't know much about it. We are now into week 2 and I told the group as we were closing on Monday that I felt like God had Priscilla Shirer prepare that specific lesson just for me on the very day I needed it most. Do you ever have those moments when you hear a message and you just feel God whisper "this is for you, I haven't forgotten you, I haven't forsaken you, I know where you are, I'm here and I love you". That happened to me on Monday. Even though He didn't bring me out of the wilderness that day and I am still there even now, I know without a doubt that He is here with me.

Psalm 46:1-3 says "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling."

Priscilla Shirer said that we have to trust that He knows more about the wilderness more than we do. I want God to do the miraculous in my life and I realize that I can't see miracles unless there is an impossible situation that I can't figure out for myself.

We all come to a point in the wilderness where we have to ask ourselves, "will I go with Him even when this part of the journey is not what I want?". I definitely don't enjoy portions of this part of my journey & I can often think of better ways I would do it, but the fact is His ways are higher than mine and I do not want to navigate this desert alone. I know He has the map & He can see what I cannot see. So, I wait, I trust in Him, I seek Him more than I seek deliverance from this desert place because He is all I need and I know He will deliver me in His timing.

Thank you Priscilla, for following God's leading and writing "One in a Million". I'm so very grateful.

I LOVE music and I want to end this post today with this song that I've just been playing over and over and over again in the recent months. It's my prayer.

Love Came Down

2010-09-22T00:04:00.000-05:00

Psalm 33:20-22

Our soul waits for the LORD; he is our help and our shield. For our heart is glad in him, because we trust in his holy name. Let your steadfast love, O LORD, be upon us,even as we hope in you.

I heard this song, "Love Came Down" by Brian Johnson for the first time today and as I listened, God's love flooded my soul. These words spoke to me so clearly in the exact moment I needed to hear them:

If my heart is overwhelmed and I cannot hear Your voice
I’ll hold on to what is true though I cannot see
If the storms of life they come and the road ahead gets steep
I will lift these hands in faith I will believe
I remind myself of all that You’ve done
And the life I have because Your Son
Love came down and rescued me
Love came down and set me free
I am Yours I am forever Yours
Mountain high or valley low
I sing out remind my soul
I am Yours I am forever Yours

The last few weeks my heart has been overwhelmed. To be honest, I get so overwhelmed at times that it has actually been difficult to even breathe. On August 30, 2010, my beautiful friend, Marianne Delcambre, went to be with her Savior whom she loves so much. While I know that she is worshipping at the feet of Jesus and one day I will see her again, my heart aches that she is no longer here with us. During the past 15 years Marianne has been a friend who was with me during some of the darkest moments of my life as well as the happiest moments. We were roommates, bridesmaids in each others weddings, our first daughters were born within a month of each other, both of us served alongside of our husbands in ministry and we shared a love for God and the things of God. I could go on and on about my memories of Marianne, but will share more as time goes by. The fact is, she is an irreplaceable friend whom I deeply miss.

While I feel a tremendous loss, the moments that are most unbearable for me is the thought that her beloved husband, Guy, and her 3 precious little girls no longer have her to do life with. It is in these moments when I feel overwhelmed that God's presence becomes very real to me and I can feel His love come down. I have had a barrage of emotions in the last 3 weeks, some that I've never felt before, but I know that God loves me through my emotions and that is such a comfort. He also loves Guy & the girls with an unrelenting love. He loves them more than anyone on this earth ever could. He is present in their times of trouble and he will carry them through.

I have more to say, but this is all for tonight. I encourage you to read Guy's blog, allthingsdelcambre.com... he is so gifted with words & God's strength has been so evident in him. I believe his words will be an encouragement to you that even in your darkest times, God is there and He loves you so very much.

The A21 Campaign - Be Her Freedom

2010-09-20T14:47:00.000-05:00

Living Life on Purpose

2010-08-29T11:34:00.002-05:00

As I'm sitting here in the hospital with my dear friend I'm just thinking of the importance to keep priorities in line. Over the years Marianne has been such a beautiful example of having a close relationship with God, loving her family and loving others. She is one of the most selfless people I know and many have come to know God through her. She is a friend that will drop anything to come to your rescue. She'll cry with you, laugh with you and also do something hilarious when you need to laugh. She lives her life on purpose and that is very evident. It's amazing to meet many of the individuals from their street in their neighborhood whose lives have been dramatically changed because of her and Guy's influence. She has challenged me to do the same. It's so important to forgive others, tell your friends and family how much you love them, and live a life of service to others. We were created for God's glory and we get to be a part of His plan. We are all called to make a difference while we are here on this earth. Marianne has lived her life well. I know God has a divine plan for Marianne and He isn't finished with her yet. Keep praying.

I Want a Wild Ride

2009-09-30T19:34:00.000-05:00

Our Ladies Bible Study at our church has just started a 9 week study using Beth Moore's DVD series "The Inheritance". We just started this past Monday and I've been processing and praying about what she talked about for the past few days. She asks us on the video "Do you want a wild ride?" And, then she says, "Well, it's not a wild drive, it's only a wild ride if someone else is driving." I've thought about that statement and thought about my own life. You know, I can tend to be a control freak in certain areas of my life. :) I think we all have tendencies to hold on to control. It feels safe. We often feel like we know what is best for our lives and if we give someone else the steering wheel they may take us somewhere that is uncomfortable. I like comfort, I like to know where I'm going and what time I'm going. I've always been a dreamer and a goal setter. I knew what I wanted to be when I grew up, what I would need to do to get there, I knew what I wanted my life to look like 10 years down the road and had a plan to accomplish it. I've always said "I want God's will", but it hasn't always been easy letting Him sit in the drivers seat. I don't think I'm the only one who struggles with this. I think there are many out there just like me. We sit in the driver's seat and say "Okay, God, I want your will, now tell me where to go and I'll drive us there." We want his will for our lives, but we still want some control over it. We still want a say in the matter. We want to stay in the driver's seat and let him just give us the directions and then we will decide if those directions are the best way for us. We don't want to let him take the wheel.

Today I was reading a book called "Chasing Daylight" by Erwin McManus and in Chapter 5 he talks about Risk. I thought that the following fits perfectly with what Beth Moore was talking about.

The inversion of this framework has clearly affected our Western faith. We have concluded that God promises safety. Those who are outside God's will, will experience danger. You cannot have risk and guarantee safety. Our pop theology has eliminated the place for risk and insulated us with a comfort-and-security theology. This view runs counter to what is found in the Scriptures. I want to reiterate the fact that the center of God's will is not a safe place, but the most dangerous place in the world. God fears nothing and no one. God moves with intentionality and power. To live outside God's will puts us in danger, but to live His will makes us dangerous. When we begin to seize our divine moments, we do not begin to live risk-free, but instead become free to risk.

I have bought into this theology before, haven't you? We begin to believe that God's will doesn't involve any risk or failure. That God's will is safe and comfortable and looks picture perfect. I've thought that many times. I do not like to fail. I've always been an overachiever. I'm hard enough on myself without anyone else pushing me. My parent's never had to tell me to make good grades, I pushed myself. In business, I didn't have to have someone push me to get going b/c I was pushing myself hard enough. I'm a visionary and very goal driven and I like to succeed. Who doesn't? So, when failure comes my way, I tend to question if I missed God's will or not because God's will doesn't involve failure, does it?!

Over the past few years I've learned a lot and I've reflected a lot on the past. I've failed a lot. We've had ministry failures, business failures, financial failures, etc. But, looking back I see how those failures have shaped my character and who I am today. I see how God has used those failures as a teaching tool. Gosh, I am so thankful for those failures. Erwin McManus says in Chasing Daylight "It becomes more than obvious the longer you walk with God that His teaching environment for us really is life. And allowing us to fail is not a punishment from God, but a part of God's process for shaping who we are."

Even though I do not like getting out of my comfort zone and sometimes throwing out the map I've created for myself, I ultimately want to live a life of risk. I want to let God take the driver's seat and be free to risk. I don't want to live a boring life. I want to live an extraordinary and exciting life. I think each of us, if we dig deep enough, have a desire in us to do more and to be more. We can't fully tap into all that God has for us unless we let him sit in the driver's seat. I want a wild ride! I want to throw caution to the wind and let him take the wheel even though I won't know every twist and turn that lies ahead. I want to reach out and take part in the Inheritance that each and every one of us can take part in. Don't you?

We Leased Our House!

2009-09-24T09:25:00.000-05:00

I want to thank everyone for praying for us! We received a phone call from our realtor on Tuesday of this week and she let us know that a wonderful family wanted to lease our home. He is a pastor, they have 4 kids and they just moved here from Georgia. Ultimately we wanted to sell our home, but God had other plans. I prayed that whoever bought or leased our home that the home would be a blessing to them. So, it is a win win for both of us. They have a great home to live in and we don't have to make the payment! YAY! This probably is better in the long run. We will more than likely make quite a bit more money on the house a year from now than we would have if we would've sold it this year. All of the builders will be done building in our area, so we won't have them to compete with.

They want to move in on Monday, so we are headed to Texas tomorrow to clear the rest of the stuff out of the house and have the carpets cleaned. Tomorrow is also our 10 year anniversary. Not the ideal way to spend our anniversary, but it is a huge anniversary gift from God to have our mortgage payment covered! So, we'll celebrate our anniversary next weekend. :)

The past 7 months I've learned so much about trusting God. He has met our needs miraculously during this time. He has taught me that I don't need to worry. That if I'll be faithful, He will provide. How great is our God!

Introducing Pink: Enid First Women

2009-09-16T11:02:00.003-05:00

Pink is the women's ministry at Enid First Assembly of God! The past few years God has really been stirring in me a heart for women and girls. There is so much that we face as women that we rarely talk about because we often feel like we are the only ones dealing with that issue, when in fact there are probably many others going through or who have gone through the same thing. We deal with self esteem issues, feelings of inadequacy, we often carry the weight of the world on our shoulders, we struggle with depression, hormones, fear...the list could go on. Beth Moore says that we as women fear so much because we feel so much. We do feel a great deal, well, at least I do. :)

When we came on staff at Enid First in June of this year, that passion began stirring in me even more. God has really also laid it on Mel's heart and mine to connect people. It's so easy to just come to church on Saturday night or Sunday morning, say hi to the people we know and then walk out without truly connecting with others. My desire for Pink is to bring women of all ages together, to build friendships, to connect, to grow in our relationship with Christ, to be real, transparent and to walk through life together. I want nothing more than to see women's lives changed. I want them to realize their worth and their destiny in Christ.

I can't say that I came up with the name all on my own. There are a few women's ministries around the country that have the name and it just really stuck with me. It has no spiritual significance really. Pink is the color that represents the female gender. No matter how old or young we are - we are all girls - we are pink. :)

I have a lot of ideas flooding my heart and mind, but for right now we are starting with a Bible study on Monday mornings, we have our Moms & Mocha group to connect not only moms at our church, but also moms in our community, and then Virginia Barrick, Pastor's wife, leads B.A.B.E.S. a 12 week accountability weight loss challenge.

I'm really excited about what God is doing and what he is going to do. Our church is all about changing lives and Pink will definitely be all about seeing women and girl's lives changed.

Transformed

2009-09-15T01:01:00.003-05:00

This past weekend our church started a 4 week series called "Transformed". Each week we will show a video of someone in our church whose life has been powerfully transformed by Christ. While watching those videos and sitting in the services this weekend I reflected on how Christ has transformed my own life and how He continues to transform me on a daily basis. Sometimes when we get caught up in the busyness of everyday life and all the chaos going on around us, we tend to forget what He has done in us and what he can do in us.

I shouldn't have the life that I do today. It's only by God's grace that I have the amazing husband that I have or the incredible children that I have. When I really think about it, it overwhelms me and brings me to tears. I was on a path that was going to lead me to a life of heartache, anguish and pain. I made so many mistakes. I hit one of the lowest points in my life 14 1/2 years ago and that is when I knew I didn't want to remain the same person that I was. I needed Christ and I wanted what he wanted for my life and no longer what I wanted. I knew deep down in my gut that I was created for more. I knew I couldn't continue on without him by my side. And what is so incredible is that even though I felt so unworthy of his grace and mercy, he extended it to me anyways and gave me a life that I could only dream about. But, you know what, it took me reaching out and saying that I was ready and willing. He was waiting for me patiently. That's the incredible thing about God is he does give us free will. He allows us to go on the path that we think is best and when we fall and get bruised and banged up and decide that we can't do it without him - he is there ready and willing to take us in his arms.

I'd like to say that when I recommitted my life to him 14 1/2 years ago that life has been a cake walk since. Well, it hasn't been. Transformation isn't an easy process. It's often a painful one. It requires us to CHANGE. It requires us to step outside of our comfort zone. It requires us to allow God to form us into the person that he wants us to be. There are days when I feel he is taking a rock hammer to me and chiseling away everything that needs to go in order for me to live an extraordinary life in Him. And on those days sometimes I just want to say "forget it, it's too hard". I then try to ask myself is it better to take the "easy" way out and choose stay in that place and potentially live a life of "what ifs" and misery or is it better to take the way where it may be painful in the beginning, but lead to something beautiful and beyond my wildest dreams in the end. Ultimately I want the latter. Don't you? So, that means that daily I have to make this decision to let Christ transform my life and allow him to do whatever he wants.

I know that Jeremiah 29:11 is true. He does have plans to prosper me and not to harm me, to give me a hope and a future. I know with every fiber of my being that he has created me and made me for a purpose - his purpose. I also know with everything within me that he has created YOU for something amazing. He has a purpose and a plan for you! You have greatness inside of you. It doesn't matter what your past looks like or even what your present looks like. Today and the future can be turned around and be transformed. God can take what is broken and mold you into something beautiful.

I've talked to so many people, especially women, that feel they are too far gone or feel like there is no way they could make a difference in this world. I've had girls and women say to me "well, Kim, your so...and that is why you have such a great life and how God can use you." Can I just say that I'm NOT perfect! I have to daily make a decision to get up and allow him to work in me. It truly is only because I've allowed Christ to transform my life. He can do the same for you. He can take something ordinary and turn it into something extraordinary. I'm begging you, don't choose to live your life as usual, choose to enter in to an amazing and wild ride with Christ. Let him transform your life. Remember that you have to take the first step and when you do he'll be there.

To encourage you, check out these incredible videos of lives changed EFA Life Change Stories

We're Enid Residents!

2009-08-09T14:43:00.002-05:00

We are now Enid residents! It feels sooooo good to not be traveling back and forth to Texas every weekend. There is a peace in all of us now and the chaos seems to be gone. We can breathe again! The rent house is great. The girls will make comments every once in awhile that they miss our old house, but they are adjusting. They are sharing a room here because I need an office and this only has 3 bedrooms. They love sharing a room, although there are days where Abbie wishes she could get away from her little sister when they are fighting. :) My mom was here for almost a week to help me unpack. I'm almost done. I couldn't have done it without her in this amount of time! I'm ready to be unpacked & settled so that I can get back to work & really jump in with the church.

Our house in Texas still has not sold, but I just know that it has to be right around the corner! Having faith is not easy, it's a daily commitment, but as I've said before, each day I'm having faith enough for that day. Our home in Keller is in God's hands. He knows best.

Abbie will start school on Wednesday. She will be a 2nd grader! I can hardly believe it. She's excited about going to a new school although she made a comment that this one smells stinky b/c it's really old and her other school was brand new. Kids are so funny. She also just got back from a 2 night/3 day kids camp and had the best time. It was hard for me to let her go simply because my baby shouldn't be old enough yet to go to camp, but she had an incredible time.

Emma will miss Abbie when she goes back to school, but hopefully when the house in Texas sells I will put her in a Mother's Day out to let her get some play time with other kiddos. I'm starting up my Moms & Mocha group here in Enid like I did in Keller. I'm hoping it will be a good outreach to those that are moving into Enid for the military.

Lot's going on! We are so glad to be here. Just wanted to give you all a quick update!

Spring 2009 Photo Shoot

2009-08-09T14:37:00.001-05:00

Click here to view these pictures larger

We're Packing!

2009-07-23T17:44:00.003-05:00

It's time to bring you all up to speed! We are officially moving to Enid, OK on August 1st. Last week we decided that we had to make a decision even though our house has not yet sold in Keller. School starts in Enid on August 12th and that is only a few weeks away! Also traveling back and forth every week is taking its toll on all of us. Rentals don't stay around very long in Enid, so the day this house came open we went to look at it and took it. It was the right price and a decent, clean house. We will lease it for a year and then buy something next summer. It will give us a chance to save up some money and really decide the area that we would like to live in.

I am feeling a bit overwhelmed as I REALLY LOATHE packing. I've had to do it one to many times. We are moving one week from tomorrow and I have yet to pack one single box. YIKES!! Mel is only home for two days, then will return back to Enid and then he'll come back on Tuesday and help me Tuesday-Friday. I have sooooo much to do. When I feel overwhelmed like this I tend to just shut down and not do anything, but I've got to snap out of it...time is ticking! Pray for my sanity as my to-do list is a mile long and it all has to get done and I'll be taking care of most of it by myself.

I am so very ready for our back and forth weekly 9 hour round trip journeys to be over. I'm ready to get settled, get Abbie enrolled in school and begin this next phase of our lives in Enid.

We could really use your prayers that our house will sell ASAP. It is a big stress and I don't understand God's timing AT ALL, but I'm still trusting Him. I know He knows how badly we need to sell our home, I just wish He would bring the buyer TODAY!

Well, more updates to come soon. Abbie turns 7 years old tomorrow, so I'll post pics later. I can't even believe that I have a 7 year old. Time goes by way too quickly.

Having Faith for This Moment

2009-07-07T21:07:00.002-05:00

I've had a major breakthrough the past week. I finally feel like "me" again. It's amazing the roller coaster of emotions that I've been on since March and for the first time since then I feel like I'm really learning to completely have faith that God is in control and that I don't need to worry. See, it's really easy to say that you have faith or that you trust God, but it's one thing to say it and believe it than it is to truly act on it. I'm reading a new book called "Warrior Chicks" by Holly Wagner. It's another amazing book that has really helped me during this transition time.

In chapter 8 she talks about the fact that God is the boss and He is working behind the scenes and orchestrating our lives. We can trust the Creator of the universe with His creation. I tend to always look ahead and the reason I've struggled so much in the past few months is because I have worried and stressed over tomorrow and the next few months. Holly Wagner says this "Stress and fear come when we take our eyes off now. We have been created to have faith for this moment. For now. In the middle of the battle, we can't see the whole battlefield. Just today's fight."

This has been so freeing to me. Every morning since I read that chapter I've been saying "God, I'm not going to worry about tomorrow or stress over tomorrow, but today God I choose to have faith for today's battle." He's given me enough faith for today. His mercies are new every morning!

Our circumstances haven't changed. This is our 5th week in a hotel and we have 3 weeks to sell our house before we HAVE to move here to get Abbie enrolled in school. So, even though things are still the same I'm trusting God b/c He knows the timeline. He knows when we have to be here and exactly what we need.

It's Tough Being a Woman

2009-06-19T23:04:00.003-05:00

So, I've decided to change the title of my blog from "Ramblings of a Woman" to "It's Tough Being a Woman" because it is very fitting for my life and probably so many of yours!! I got the title from Beth Moore's most recent Bible Study "Esther: It's Tough Being a Woman", so I can't say that I came up with it all on my own. I had the privilege of hosting this Bible study in my home for a few months and I have to say it is the most amazing study I've gone through yet. It was so timely in my life and I know for so many in the group. I love Beth Moore - she is so real and doesn't hold anything back about what she goes through, experiences, emotions she feels, etc. I need that. I need women to be real about what is going on in their lives. I think everyone longs to connect to someone that is real and will be willing to share their heart!

We are still in transition mode and I have to say it is taking it's toll on me, but it has also forced me to just dive in deeper to God's word and read books that I wouldn't have read and to seek His face like never before. I have to - - it's the only thing that keeps me sane. There are some days that I feel crazy - as if I need to be put on medication or something. I'm being perfectly honest! I get so emotional and so upset that our house hasn't sold and that we are only in Enid part time. And that we are driving back and forth every week. It's exhausting. It's like this whole other person takes over and I just freak out and then the next day or the next few hours I'm fine! I'm sharing all of this because I have a feeling that some of you can relate. I just want you to know that you are not alone in your journey. It's tough being a woman! We feel deeply.

A book that I've been reading for the past few days and actually just finished tonight has helped me tremendously. It's called "Wild Goose Chase" by Mark Batterson. It's an amazing book and was perfect timing for me to read it. It's all about chasing after the crazy journey the Holy Spirit wants to take us on. I've decided that even though this transition is tough - it's all a part of God's plan and I'm embracing it - I'm right smack dab in the middle of the chasing the wild goose. It is very much a day by day process. Whenever I start to feel anxiety or depression come over me, I just have to put on praise & worship and praise God. His word and giving him praise gives us a medicine that nothing else can give.

Philippians 4:6-7 (New International Version)

⁶Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Trusting God's Timing

2009-06-14T22:48:00.004-05:00

God's timing is not always our timing. It's something that is so hard to learn even though I know that His timing is always perfect. Our house in Keller still hasn't sold. It has show 8 times this past week, but still...no offers. This is our second weekend in Enid and until our house sells we've made the decision to stay in a hotel Saturday-Tuesday in Enid and then drive back home 4 1/2 hours to Keller Tuesday evening-Friday. Okay, so, not fun at all. Two kids in a hotel, eating out every meal...I'm learning a lot. A WHOLE LOT!! But, I'm trusting God, even though there are days, to be perfectly honest, I just want to scream! :) I know part of His delay is still to teach me some things. Just when I think I've learned it all, He throws something else in my way. I guess that is a part of really learning to trust Him with everything. He is sovereign and He has got it completely under control. I do know this, just still hard to put off my human nature and trust HIM.

Originally we were going to go ahead and rent something in Enid, but the rental market is sooo slim here b/c of the military base & it also causes rent prices to be extremely high. So, we decided that the wisest thing for us right now was just to hold off. I'm looking forward to finding out why God's timing is a lot slower than mine. I am believing that it is because He has the perfect family with the perfect offer that will move into our home in Keller and then the perfect house in Enid will come available to us at that time.

Other than the driving back and forth every week, things are amazing. We love our church so much and know that this is the perfect place for us. We are looking forward to really getting settled and getting to pour into lives here in Enid. I, of course, miss our New Day family in Roanoke...they will always be such a huge part of us. I learned sooo much there and I know God was preparing us for Enid.

More blogging to come... I just wanted to give you all a quick update!

Learning Patience is NOT Fun

2009-05-26T13:57:00.005-05:00

Patience is not one of my strengths, so God is really working on me right now. We went to Enid this past weekend to look for a home to rent/lease. The prices there are just crazy expensive and the choices are so limited - it is unreal. It is because it is a military town and over 100 new pilots will be coming in the next few weeks so the demand is very high for rentals. We found a home that we love and would be able to lease for a couple of years and then purchase, but after looking at our budget we just decided that it isn't wise for us to have a mortgage payment and take on a rent payment. So, starting next weekend (June 5th) we will probably stay in a hotel in Enid Friday-Monday and stay at our home in Keller Tuesday-Thursday until our home sells or some sort of schedule like that. This is NOT my first pick - at all, but God is in control. I'm learning to be patient - it is a daily thing I have to work on. Keep us in your prayers. I know God has the buyer for our house already lined up and it is all in His timing. I only wish that sometimes His timing was the same timing as mine. LOL. I'm so thankful for the things He has done for us already - like giving us this amazing job at the church in Enid. We are SO excited about the next phase of our lives there and I think that is what makes the waiting even harder b/c our hearts & our minds are THERE and I'm ready to be there full time and not part time. I know so many of you can relate to this and have been through it yourselves. If you have any tips, scriptures, etc. that helped you through please pass on. :) I know all things work together for His purpose.

My Family

2009-05-23T08:31:00.002-05:00

We are Moving!

2009-05-23T08:19:00.004-05:00

I am so sorry that I have not blogged in awhile. Life has been crazy! I want to fill you all in on what is going on in our lives because so many of you have asked. I know many of you have been praying for us and we want to thank you SO much! God answers prayers!!

For the past 3 years we have had the privilege of being able to start a church in Roanoke, TX with my uncle & aunt who are the lead pastors. We have been volunteering as the Community pastors and it has been one of the most incredible experiences of our lives. New Day Church will forever be engraved in our hearts and will always be huge part of us. We have grown so much personally and it has been incredible watching others' lives changed. Ricky & Joni (my uncle and aunt/Lead Pastors) have been tremendous mentors to us and we have learned so much under their leadership. Words cannot express our gratitude to them.

Back in January of this year we did a 21 day fast with our church to start off the New Year. During that time God spoke to Mel and I very clearly that we were supposed to sell our home and go back into full time ministry. We weren't sure at the time what that meant or when, but He was preparing our hearts. In March, as many of you know, Mel's entire office was laid off. We knew that God was saying then "OK, it's time!". So, we listed our house on the market & that week God brought two different churches into our path in Oklahoma to interview with. The one we were most excited about was in Enid, OK. At the time they told us it would be June before they would hire and that seemed SOOO far away, so we kept looking. God kept shutting all other doors and now June is here!

Mother's Day weekend my husband accepted an associate pastor position at Enid First Assembly of God. You can check out their website by going to www.enidfirstassembly.com . Mel will be the Saturday night pastor. They have a service on Saturday nights that he will run - kind of our own little church within a church. We will also do a lot in the community. I already have plans to start a Moms & Mocha group in Enid shortly after we get there. We are SO excited!

Everything is full forward motion now. Our last service at New Day Church will be May 31st. Any of you who are in the area that would like to come we would love to see you! It is going to be a day filled with both sadness & happiness.

We are having a moving sale the weekend of May 29th & 30th and will be moving to Enid in 2 weeks - the week of June 7th. Whew!

We do need your prayers on several things:

1) We desperately need to sell our home in Keller. Please pray that God sends along the right buyer, with the right price at the right time!

2) We had found a house to rent and this week they called us to say they have decided to not rent, but to sell it. So, we are back to square one on a place to live. The rental market in Enid is slim due to a military base being there. We are headed to Enid Sunday afternoon to look for another house. Please pray that we find one.

3) Pray for our girls. They are both very excited, but I know change is never easy!

3) Most of you know how much I don't like the moving process. Just pray for my sanity during the next 3 weeks. :)

We know that God has it all under control. He knows who our buyer is and He already has a house for us in Enid. He has already proved Himself faithful to us, but we know that the more people that are praying - the better!

We appreciate all of you so much!!

Every Parent's Prayer

2009-03-30T20:51:00.006-05:00

I have another story to share with you about my 6 1/2 year old, Abbie. I know it is every parent's prayer that what we teach them will sink in, that the prayers we pray over them will be seeds that will sprout. Abbie is only 6, but she blows me away sometimes. There is a little boy in her class that is kind of the class bully. Abbie said that he told her that he doesn't go to church, so she has been praying for him. After church on Sunday we went to lunch and she wanted to pray over the meal and this was her prayer... "Lord, bless this food, keep our family safe, and Lord I pray for Fred that You will come into his heart and that he won't pick on anyone anymore, but Lord, if he has to pick on someone, that he will pick on me.". Okay, who prays that??? Mel and I were just crying at the table listening to her pray this!! She told us that she would rather him pick on her than the other kids b/c she doesn't want him to hurt the other kids. WOW!!!! It definitely challenged me!

Such a Good Girl!

2009-03-26T10:40:00.006-05:00

So, I thought I would share something that Abbie did on Tuesday night that was super sweet. Mel does bedtime routine with the girls every night. Around 8pm he tucked Emma in bed, then went to Abbie's room and tucked her in and was going to read her book with her for a little while. Emma called out for him so he told Abbie to continue reading and he would be back in a few minutes to turn off the light and kiss her goodnight. Well, he got done with Emma and completely forgot about Abbie until about 11:30pm when he heard Emma having a coughing fit, so he went upstairs to check on her and noticed that Abbie's light was still on. She was still awake, lying in bed, reading the same book!! He asked her if she knew what time it was and she said no and told him that she was still waiting on him! She spent three hours laying in bed patiently waiting for her daddy to come turn off the light and kiss her goodnight. She didn't get up and play - she just laid there patiently waiting. What a sweet girl!!

Big Changes

2009-03-12T10:45:00.008-05:00

Wow, so yesterday I wrote about how God had told us to sell our house and today we know why. Mel's CEO came in town today and closed the doors on the Ft. Worth office. Mel and the 3 others in his office are now headed home to find other jobs. I have to admit that this morning I had a panic attack - shaking, hyperventilation, etc. But, after talking to my mom, my uncle and a few friends I felt the peace of God come over me. I'm not going to say that I'm not freaking out a little still - that is human nature, but I am trying to put my emotions aside and reflect on all that God has done for us and how faithful He has been to us the past 10 years. He has brought things back to my memory on how he has provided. Like when we had only been married one month and we decided to leave the church we were on staff at and had to move in with in-laws. How when we left our church in Jenks and had just found out that I was pregnant with Abbie. We had no place to go, but God sold our house in 2 weeks and provided for our every need. And, so many more times I could list. God also gave my uncle Psalm 91 to give to us during his prayer time this morning. So, I'm standing on it.

Psalm 91
He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust." Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that talks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday. A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you. You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked. If you make the Most High your dwelling—even the LORD, who is my refuge- then no harm will befall you,no disaster will come near your tent. For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. You will tread upon the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent. "Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation."

Selling Our House & Need Your Input!

2009-03-11T12:42:00.005-05:00

Wow, I'm on a roll - two blog posts in one day!! I need some suggestions though and figure that some of my friends might be able to give some! Back in January, we did a 21 day fast with our church. During that time God spoke to Mel and I about several things, but one of the things that He asked us to do was to sell our house. Not an easy thing for us to do b/c we LOVE our house - we built this house 2 1/2 years ago - picked out EVERYTHING, but we know He is asking us to be obedient, so we are trusting Him!!

So, over the past few months I've been SLOWLY getting it ready. The past 3 years I haven't been the most organized, so I've had to throw away a lot of stuff, make piles of garage sale stuff, and organize things I'm keeping. I'm almost done doing that and we are planning a garage sale in the next few weeks.

So, there are several things that I need your suggestions on:

We interviewed 3 realtors and all of them said that because we live in a newer home and are in a neighborhood that the builders are still building in that we have to keep our house immaculate - looking like a model home in order to compete with the builders & to get the price we want. So, my first question is how in the world do you do this with 2 small kids without going insane?? We've sold 3 other homes, but we didn't have 2 girls that LOVE to change clothes ever 5 minutes and we didn't live in a neighborhood that would necessarily require keeping it look like a model home. I did decide that I needed help, so today I do have a lady here doing all the DEEP cleaning - blinds, base boards, tubs, fans, etc. but do any of you have suggestions for day to day??
I could also just use your prayers as I'm freaking out about what do we do if we sell our house?? I DO NOT want Abbie to change schools so we would basically have to stay in this neighborhood. This doesn't worry Mel so much, but it does me - b/c I am a mom and moms worry about these things. :)

We are putting it on the market this weekend/early next week. I'm trusting God! It could be that He is just testing us to see if we are going to be willing to make this step or not. Not sure what He is up to, but one thing that I have learned is that His ways are sooo much better than our own.

My Grandma: An Amazing Woman

2009-03-11T10:20:00.008-05:00

Once again, it has been awhile since I have written. It seems that I am on a one post a month routine. I figure it is time to update all of you on my life. It has been a crazy couple of weeks.

My grandma, JoAnn Edwards, is one of my heroes and someone I admire greatly. I've always been very close to her and have so many amazing memories with her and my grandpa, Dr. Charlie Edwards. My grandpa passed away 3 years ago February. That was very hard, but there was still comfort in knowing that I still had my grandma to see and talk to. My grandma and grandpa moved from Marfa, TX to Granbury 3 years ago (2 weeks before my grandpa went to be with the Lord) so that they could be closer to my mom. I didn't get to see her as much as I would've liked, but I did get to see her a lot more than if she still lived 8 hours away.

My grandmother was in the hospital for 20 days in February with pneumonia and COPD. She was released on Saturday, February 28th to go back to her assisted living apartment because she was doing so well! She was eating, walking, doing great considering. Well, on Sunday, March 1st, my mom called me and said that my grandmother wasn't doing well since she moved home. Seeing the pics of my grandfather everywhere were giving her the desire to go to heaven and be with him. I called my sister on Monday to see how things were going and she said that my mom was crying a lot and Grandma wasn't doing well, so I felt this sense that I should go to Granbury. I showed up at my Grandma's assisted living apartment and my grandmother was in her bed. She asked me how the girls were, how Mel was, how I was, etc. Then she told me that she wasn't going to be here much longer and asked if Mel would do her funeral. Then she said her good byes to me. I stayed at her apartment with my mom for the next 3 days and watched her give up her will to live. She kept saying that my grandpa was taking her home to be with him. She quit talking mid-Tuesday and would just nod "yes" or "no" when we would ask her something. She was slipping away so quickly. I think the hardest part was watching my mom lose her mom. God gave me a lot of strength so that I could be a good support to my mom. On Wednesday evening I left to go run to my parents house for a few minutes and I got the call that my grandmother went home to be with the Lord. My mom says that she went in my grandmother's room and laid her head on her chest and said "momma, it's okay, you can go now" and just a few minutes later my grandmother died.

I'm so thankful that my grandma is no longer suffering, but I am sad that I can no longer call her or go visit. Memories will come to me and tears will begin to sting my eyes. She was an amazing wife, mother and grandmother. Perfect? No, no one is perfect, but she was one of a kind and someone I aspire to be like. She LOVED my grandfather. My mom said it well, when she said that my grandmother ADORED my grandfather. Her apartment was a shrine to him - there were pictures of them everywhere, including this wedding photo at the foot of her bed. She focused on this picture the last 3 days of her life.

I want to have the same adoration for Mel. I want my girls to say that I adore Mel. The love and respect that my grandparents had for one another is one that every married couple should strive to have. My grandmother was also a meticulous house keeper. She was probably OCD as she was very routine, very particular and when she got out of her routine she was not happy. :) She cooked every meal... breakfast, lunch and dinner. I've always wondered how she did it b/c I can't seem to do it all like she did, but again, it was all about the routine. I don't think she ever sat down. And, she LOVED coffee. I know that I get my coffee addiction from her. She introduced me to coffee at a young age of course pouring lots of milk & sugar in it so I would drink it. :) She would drink coffee all day long, just like I do. She loved coffee so much that even though she couldn't lift her cup the last few days of her life, I held it for her so she could drink it. I laughed and told her that my family would have to do the same for me on my death bed b/c I've gotta have my coffee!

I'll miss her, but I am so grateful for the 30 1/2 years I had with her. Love you Grandma!

My Mom was Superwoman

2009-02-08T11:15:00.004-06:00

Since I've had kids I've really come to truly appreciate my mother, but I think over the past few days I've realized that I really do think she was Superwoman. Probably since early November my family has been sick. One of us will get better and then another will get sick - it is the vicious cycle. I got sick again on Thursday with an upper respiratory virus & sinus infection. Mel still had to go to work on Friday, so I was left to take care of myself as well as my two kiddos. He came home at 6pm and I could finally rest. Since yesterday was Saturday, I could stay in bed all day while he took care of the kids. Emma came in our room about 12:30 am this morning complaining that she didn't feel good and that her ear hurts. I was hoping Mel could stay home and take care of her today and let me sleep, but he had to go to church since he is in charge of set-up and I'm left to take care of my sick baby girl and myself. Husbands are lucky. When they get sick, the wife takes care of them and the kids, but when the wife gets sick - unless it is a Saturday - the wife has to take care of herself and the kids. I am so blessed to have a husband that helps, but he still can't be home 24/7 to take care of me. The reason I think my mom was super woman is because she worked night shift as a nurse. She would work 12 hour shifts - leave at 6:45pm & get home around 7am. Before she left she would cook dinner and make sure everything was ready for us and then when she got home she would get us ready for school. She would sleep for a few hours and then come pick us up from school and take us to all of our acitivities. I love my dad, but he wasn't too helpful. He was just raised in that era where the woman did everything around the house & everything for the kids. I don't remember my mother ever getting sick or if she did she never complained. She was always right there taking care of us no matter how she felt. She had super powers, which I know God gave her. Moms are amazing people - we all need them!!

My Girly Girls

2009-01-07T11:23:00.004-06:00

Yesterday I took my very girly girls to the new Girly Girls salon & spa in Keller. It's a very cute gift shop & salon for little girls that has runways and dress up clothes. Abbie requested to get her hair cut to her chin, so I decided to take them both in. This was Abbie's 3rd hair cut in her life and Emma's first real hair cut. I've refused to get Emma's bangs cut b/c I hate growing them out, but Emma refuses to wear anything but a head band so her hair is always in her face. Emma LOVED getting her hair washed and cut. She was so very still and is so proud of her new do. Abbie was very excited to go to school today and show off her new cut. She looks so grown up. I love having girly girls. They come with a lot of drama, but they are SO much fun!!

Happy New Year!!

2009-01-05T15:36:00.003-06:00

Okay, I am admittedly the worst blogger ever, but I love keeping up and reading everyone else's. I know it is time for me to add something. I can't believe 2008 is over and 2009 is here. I say this every year, but I honestly do believe that 2008 went by quicker than any other year. It really was as if I blinked and it was gone. I learned to much in 08. God brought me so far and I really learned to trust Him and rest in His peace. I find that I am reacting to things differently and have learned to submit my emotions to Him. Not that I have arrived, but I'm glad that I have finally learned that Him being in control is way better than me trying to be in control. I believe that there are great things in store in 2009 for our family, for my business, for our church and for all of you reading this blog. Mel and I made the decision to join our church in a 21 day corporate fast. We are doing the Daniel Fast, so basically - no sweets, no bread, no caffeine and no meat. This is my 3rd day and the no caffeine is kicking my tail, but I have faith that some mountains that we have been facing are going to be moved by the end of this 21 days.

On another note, we had a great Christmas. It also went by in a flash. I'm always sad to see it go - I LOVE Christmas. It really is my favorite time of the year. Technically our Christmas still isn't over - we are going to Oklahoma this weekend to do Christmas with Mel's family. The girls are very excited that it has been extended through January! :) It is so fun to watch them, especially as they get older. Abbie had very specific requests this year and Emma would pretty much say whatever Abbie suggested. To watch their faces light up on Christmas morning is priceless. Abbie asked if she could control the schedule for Christmas morning so we let her. She woke us up, then we all gathered around in the living room and she wanted us to pray to thank God for the gifts and to wish Jesus a Happy Birthday. Then she passed out the gifts. It was a lot of fun and it is awesome to see her grow in the Lord.

Mel and I both got iPhones from my parents and we are sooo addicted.

Well, I guess that is about it for now! I promise to write again soon.

You Know It's Time to Shower When...

2008-11-21T08:01:00.002-06:00

Okay, I know it has been a really long time since I've blogged. Things have been crazy and I'll sit down to blog and then I'll get distracted with other things. But this morning, I had something happen that is definitely worth blogging about, so I sat right down to fill you guys in.

The past few days I've had sick kids, been cleaning & decorating for Christmas because I have this huge Holiday Open House here this weekend. I have a "no shower" policy when I'm cleaning because after I get done cleaning I feel gross and dusty so I have to shower again. Does anyone else have this policy? Typically I will shower in the same day I clean, but the girls were sick and needy yesterday and the day before, so I haven't really had a spare moment to shower and then last night when Mel got home, I was so tired that I just went straight to bed. Well, I woke up this morning thinking I still have a lot of cleaning to do and I would wait to shower until right before I have to pick Abbie up from school. After dropping Abbie off at school this morning Emma and I sat down on the couch and she looked at my hair and touched it and asked "Mommy, why is your hair wet?". I burst out in laughter b/c it is so NOT wet - it is DIRTY! So, obviously, it is time to shower and it it can't be delayed any longer. You know it's definitely time to shower when your three year old mistakes your dirty hair for wet hair. :)

Can anyone else relate to this? I know Casey can identify, but are we weird or is this normal for mommies?

A Scary Weekend

2008-10-14T15:26:00.000-05:00

Well, it's been awhile since I've blogged. I'm sure you all know by now that it was a rough week/weekend for us last week! My husband went into the hospital with chest pain/discomfort and ended up staying the night. Mel knows me too well - he knows that I will freak out if I think something is wrong with him - and, he is right. Thursday morning he was getting ready for work and he told me he wasn't feeling well. About 10 minutes later I asked him what his symptoms were and he rubbed his stomach and then his chest and said that he just felt weird. I immediately asked him if he was having chest pains and he nonchalantly blew it off to be something minor. Well, about a hour later he calls me to ask for a doctor's number and of course I freak out b/c he never asks for a doctor's number. He tells me it is no big deal and that he will make an appointment for the afternoon. Well, of course I insist that he call right away. The next phone call I get from him is 5 minutes later telling me he is headed to the ER. Okay, so, I'm really freaking out now. I start crying. A 31 year old shouldn't have heart problems and of course every scenario is racing through my brain. I'd like to say I was calm, cool, and collected - but, I wasn't. Not at all. He tells me I don't need to come up there, that he is fine. Well, of course, I'm going to go up there - I would totally expect for him to come up there if it was the other way around. So, I call my neighbor to watch Emma (while crying hysterically) and then I call my aunt and uncle. My aunt rushes over to take me to the ER. I get there and he is in the trauma ER unit in a hallway on a stretcher. He is in a hallway b/c they had care flighted in several people from an accident. I watch his heart monitor and his heart rate go from 85 to 160 in no time and it continues to do it. They do several EKGs and of course the doctor and the nurse always give worst case scenario to totally freak you out. Thankfully, my mom calls and calms my fears. After being in the ER for 8 hours, the doctor comes back to tell Mel that the cardiologist wants to check him into the hospital. By this time I've collected my thoughts. A lot of people are praying and I give control over to God. About 1pm on Friday the nurse comes in to tell my husband that his heart is beating normally again. The cardiologist comes in about 4pm to say that he is releasing him with medications and to visit him on a regular basis. Mel has atrial fibrillation. Nothing causes it. He was very excited to know that he doesn't have to go on a special diet. The top of his heart beats faster than it should, so he has to take meds to control it. We are praying for full recovery & healing so that he won't have to continue on the meds. I am so thankful that it wasn't something more. The thought of something happening to my husband scares me. He is my other half - I wouldn't know what to do without him. But, I know whom we serve & am so thankful that God has him in the palm of his hands.

In a battle?

2008-09-30T10:37:00.000-05:00

I just have a minute because I've got to get in the shower (didn't take one yesterday) so that I can take Emma to the doctor - she may have an ear infection. :( Anyways, I have something on my heart today and just wanted to share it with you. I've really been in a battle the past 2 weeks - have felt pressed on all sides. Really, since we made the decision to come plant this church 2 years ago, it has been a battle, but it is heavier at times. And, this last week was one of the heavier weeks. I feel impressed to share this today because I know that others are facing battles too. I know that a lot of people in our church are really having to trust God through the storms happening in their lives. One of my friends from my mom's group that I started called me yesterday to ask me to pray because her husband was laid off unexpectedly after climbing the ladder in the company he's been with for 15 years. No severance pay & benefits end today. They are scrambling to figure out what to do. I know my little sister is in a battle right now. So, I know that I'm not the only one out there facing a battle right now. Being the perfectionist and Type A personality that I am, I always try to fix it myself first - I don't know why - God does it so much better. After I had a few breakdowns this last week, my hubby and I were able to get away for the entire weekend with no kids to celebrate our anniversary and I was able to clear my head. In church on Sunday they played "Desert Song" off of the new Hillsong album. It spoke to me SO much. So much so that I've been playing it about 50 times a day the past three days. I've had to shut out the noise and seek Him and realize that He is here & He knows the answers. So, I encourage you to shut out the noise and just focus on Him and think about all the times that He has been faithful in your life. Here are the lyrics to the song. Download it from ITunes & listen to it. I know it will speak to you.

This is my prayer in the desert
When all that’s within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides

This is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flame

I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

This is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on its way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise Ill stand

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

This is my prayer in the harvest
When favour and providence flow
I know I’m filled to be emptied again
The seed I’ve received I will sow

My First Blog

2008-09-24T22:46:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm officially entering the world of blogging! Summer has been trying to convince me to blog for a long time now, but it wasn't until my friend, Casey, who has avoided MySpace & Facebook, sent me her blog that I decided to jump on board! I'm not sure exactly why I have put it off for so long because I really enjoy reading updates on all of my friends. I guess it is just that I haven't been sure what to say and I'm still not sure what to say, but here goes!

I've titled my blog "Ramblings of a Woman" because I ramble A LOT. :) And, I feel now, that I am officially in my THIRTIES that I am a WOMAN. So, hence the title "Ramblings of a Woman" and the fact that I couldn't think of anything else. :-) You know, I've always had a hard time calling myself a woman, but now that I'm 30 I feel as if I've crossed over into "womanhood". I've also been married for 9 years tomorrow! Which is really bizarre. It doesn't feel like I should be married 9 years already. 9 years - that just seems like a really long time - it is almost a decade! Where does time go anyway? The past 9 years have definitely been a whirlwind and we have endured so much more than I ever thought we would. We're on staff at our 5th church, we are living in our 4th house, and have moved from our home to parents to in-laws back home around 10 times. I have a 1st grader & a 3 year old. It is so weird to say that I have a FIRST GRADER! I have cheerios and goldfish smashed in the carpet and seats in my car, which I swore would never happen. My house is always a disaster, which again, I swore would never happen. I own my own business, which I never imagined would happen! My life today doesn't look at all like I thought it would 10 years ago and the journey so far hasn't played out like I thought it would (at all), but I am SO thankful for the journey and the life & family God has blessed me with! The picture that I had in my mind when we got married 9 years ago was that we would go on staff at a church and stay there for a long time & have a blissful time of ministry and then God would call us to a bigger church that we would stay at till our kids were out of school. I had a "Pleasantville" picture in mind. Reality set in pretty quickly when, after being married only a month, we left our first church hurt, and moved in with the in-laws. I spent my first Christmas with my husband at my in-laws house with everything we owned in storage. I couldn't put up my very first Christmas tree, which was devastating. That was the beginning of our journey, but, God has proven Himself so faithful to me time and time again. He has definitely taught me that it is better to let Him be in control and that He knows my future.

When God gave me Mel as a husband, he gave me a gift. I have the most amazing husband. Sometimes I just stare at him just to pinch myself to make sure it's real. I really did get my prince charming. He loves me unconditionally, even on the days when I am completely going insane. He is the best dad in the world - Abbie & Emma will grow up with such an incredible sense of a father's love. He also loves people. He is the guy that goes into the bank, instead of the drive through in hopes to brighten someone's day. I don't tell him enough or show him enough how much I love him. But, I do & I love him more than I ever dreamed was possible.

My girls - Abbie & Emma are my little princesses. I'm not a very patient mom, but I pray for patience every day. And, I love them more than I ever dreamed I could love two little human beings. I never babysat growing up & was never the first to ask to hold a baby. But, when I got pregnant with Abbie, from day one, this overwhelming love came over me. I'm always striving to be a better mom, because I am definitely not "Susie homemaker" or the supermom that I feel so many of my friends are, but every day I am getting better and better. Abbie and Emma are sooo different. Abbie is headstrong, definitely has all of the "first born" traits. We butt heads more than Emma and I do, but I realize it is because Abbie is SO much like me! It's that firstborn thing. :-) Abbie loves school, she loves stuffed animals, loves any book or show about animals, and she loves to dance. And, did I say she loves animals?? Abbie has never met a stranger. She talks non-stop (which she gets from her Dad). Sometimes I just have to ask her for 10 seconds of silence. She befriends those who don't have friends. She is an amazing kid. Emma is relaxed, quiet, plays great on her own, loves baby dolls and princesses. Bella Bella Dancerella is one of her favorite DVDs and she gets all dolled up in her ballet outfit to move along with the DVD. Emma loves to cuddle and says "I love you mom", gives me kisses, and hugs at least 25 times a day. Emma had a rough 1st 3 years. After getting whooping cough at 10 weeks old her little immune system wasn't the same. Every month for the 1st 2 1/2 years of her life she would visit the doctor - having RSV, pneumonia, bronchitis, or something respiratory. We were having to give her breathing treatments twice a day every day. But, about 4 months ago in a church service Mel felt strongly that the Lord healed her & she hasn't been sick since - no breathing treatments, nothing. Praise the Lord!!! Her being sick so much is probably one of the reasons she is so cuddly. She is 3 now and the tantrums are beginning to happen, which I was hoping to avoid, but I guess it is inevitable. Her crazy side comes out when Abbie comes around. They've started fighting, which makes me apologize to my mother frequently for all that my sister & I put her through. But, Abbie & Emma are also best friends. They love to have "sleeping overs", where Emma sleeps on Abbie's trundle bed. I thought about having a 3rd child in hopes of having a little Mel, but after Abbie & Emma started fighting we both decided that 2 was plenty - our family circle was complete!

What else... I am working from home and it has been such a blessing to be able to be home with my girls. God gave me Arbonne because He knew what the future would hold. He knew that Emma was going to have a rough 3 years and that I would have to do something to bring in income from home. I'm so thankful. He is so good. Arbonne has truly been a gift for me & for our family. I absolutely love what I do. I get the best of both worlds!

Two years ago we moved to Keller, TX to help my aunt & uncle plant a church in Roanoke/Trophy Club, TX. It is called New Day Church. It has been a journey of faith, but I feel the past two years have been some of our best in ministry. We finally feel settled & at home. It has been an amazing experience and will share more about the church and about what God has taught me in the process b/c I've learned some hard lessons on control the past two years. My aunt & uncle are amazing - I have prayed for years for a pastor's wife to mentor me & I've finally found that.

Well, I guess that is it for today. I will write more soon.